Eating

[Ashleyyy]

I'm sorry to keep posting on here but I'm just going through a really hard time right now. I'm having a lot of difficulty eating. If you read my last post(s) you know about my gagging incident and now every time I try to eat I get crazy anxiety. I've been trying to make sure that I eat SOMETHING everyday, even it's just a small snack or two. I'm SO hungry and before this whole thing came back, I was probably overeating but now it's a struggle to eat a bowl of oatmeal. I also feel like eating doesn't come naturally anymore. I find myself chewing everything like a million times and then I have to actually think about swallowing, it doesn't just happen. Today I got ambitious and ate a piece of bread with butter and it got stuck smack dab in the middle of my throat and I gagged AGAIN. I should also mention that I have zero appetite. I'm physically hungry but nothing appeals to me. I'm so scared my appetite will never come back and this anxiety won't ever go away to allow me to function normally again. Any advice?

[Flowerchild]

Hun, I have been there. Exactly where you are with the eating. It's a cycle that we can all relate to at one point or another. This is more than likely your anxiety causing these types of bad feelings . Try to tackle the anxiety first and then it will be much more easier to eat. You wrote that you are so hungry but have no appetite ? How does that work? Would it help that you eat anything you crave regardless of what it is? That's how I used to get by. My eating habits are far from normal but much better than they were . It does get better.

[Ashleyyy]

Like I physically feel hungry but nothing appeals to me food-wise. I haven't had any cravings for anything since this episode started last week. The whole gagging thing is really stressing me out because it's a new symptom and I feel like I'm doing it to myself even though I don't want to, if that makes sense. I'm going to see my doctor tomorrow to get new anxiety medication so hopefully that will help with the anxiety itself and those thoughts about gagging so I can eat and get back on track.

[thecheesecake17]

I think if anxiety really isn't letting you eat then you seriously need to consider ANY kind of med which will help you as eating is very important and nothing worse than your body telling you 'Eat dammit!' And that trigger in your brain setting off as you begin eating... I'm sorry I do believe I had the same thing over a month ago but I'd just feel n* without gagging which was petrifying... Try anything the doc suggests, you're gonna get through this phase there's no way it will stick about for much longer surely, I think anxiety goes in waves at different points. You just have a veerrrry sensitive oesophagus, I have a theory that they really play up when we get horrifically stressed and anxious minded! I really suffer to the point where I think I might gag even without n*! Stupidity...I hate our brains!!!!

Let us know what happens with the doc and try and get it sorted ASAP

[Bebopy5]

I think its a good idea you are going to the doctor to get new meds. Hopefully this will help as you need to eat!!

Have you tried simple foods? Like rice or toast? xx

[LadyM18]

I know exaclty how you feel when you say "I feel hungry but nothing appeals to me". I have been feeling the same lately. I barely eat. It's probably because of anxiety. I'm pretty sure it is. So, that's a great idea to go to see your doctor to get new meds.

I hope you'll feel better. Just try to eat something, simple food, something you really like ... (I know, it's easier said than done)

Let us know what your doctor said ! xx

[jkl81]

I fell really bad for you Ashley. I've had a lot of tightness in the throat and difficulty swallowing but never exactly gagging. I hope you can get it under control. You undoubtedly will, but it's difficult in the meantime. Hang in there.

[Ashleyyy]

Thank you all for all of the support. <3 I'm really struggling and it's so nice to know that you guys understand what I'm going through and can relate. I had my doctors appointment today and she changed my prescription to 1mg of Ativan. I just took one and I'm waiting for it to kick in. Trying so hard to stay positive!

[thecheesecake17]

Let us know how you get on.
In situations like these just remind yourself that you probably have a good 70 years on this planet and that thing won't hang about for long , probably not even for the next week! You're gonna be back to normal.

Something which helps is eating WHATEVER you want WHENEVER you fancy it. Sometimes I can't think about the simplest meal but a packet of sugary sweets or potato chips sounds amazing, the good thing about potato chips is that they have a chemical in them which makes us more hungry - I know its junk but that trick has gotten me a full appetite back in the past and if you're not eating much at all, I think your body would appreciate ANY kind of snack or meal.

Chocolate has helped me all summer. My appetite and anxiety and everything was so so bad as I thought I was pregnant so I spent half of it hiding and sneaking around and just being very stupidly stressed about my body and my recovery phase was trying to eat three meals a day but also inbetween, 100g bars of chocolate. Did I mention cookies too? :P
Sure, I've probably damaged my teeth but the more I ate, the more I ate proper food and nowadays I feel I can substitute my 100-200g of chocolate with proper food like a banana and some nuts. Take it in baby steps but if you're getting cravings, trust your instincts...

I hope your new meds work!

[Ashleyyy]

Thank you so much for the advice! My new medication worked amazingly last night and I just took another one for random anxiety not associated with anything. I really hope this will be gone in a week because I feel like I'm stuck in a rut right now

[jkl81]

Ashley,
Are you taking your ativan as needed or as a daily anti-anxiety treatment? Most doctors use it as a "rescue" remedy for panic attacks bu I have heard of other uses. I'm glad it helps. It sounds like you needed some relief.

[Ashleyyy]

I'm taking it PRN at night because lately, that's when I'm having the most difficulty. I think I'll try to skip it tonight and see what happens because I am starting to feel a littleee bit better!

[jkl81]

I don't want to discourage you from doing everything your doctor suggests, especially if you trust this person, just to remind you that the nature of benzodiazapenes is that you build a tolerance to them and it doesn't take very long. They are perfect for getting you out of a rut as they are safe and effective when used as prescribed and I know I've often gotten some really good, very fast relief from them. It takes about two weeks of constant use to start to have an issue from what my doctor says. The biggest concern is that as you observed with the 0.5mg dose, you will have to increase your dose to get the same effect, but if you only use them to get out of your rut and feel better and then go back to as needed you'll be fine. I'm glad to see you're doing a bit better.

[Ashleyyy]

jkl81, thank you so much for the info! I was interested to read that on average it takes about two weeks of use before problems start to arise, as I was concerned about taking them just two nights in a row. Today I've had my ups and downs but overall, I am definitely doing better. I've been less anxious and I've eaten more than I have all week! I think slowly but surely my appetite is coming back too! (knock on wood!!!)

[Afdpt]

Every so often I will have meals where I feel like I'm going to choke trying to get the food down, like food stops at the back of my throat and doesn't know where to go so I think I will choke and almost have on occasion. After that happens once it can spin out of control to the point that every swallow becomes difficult and frightening. I've found that keeping my mouth wet helps. For whatever reason, liquids seem to go down more easily so if I'm getting to that point till just take a tiny sip of water with the food to help it go down easier. Or just sipping water between each bite is a big help. Smaller bites also help me.

[thecheesecake17]

I do believe I've experienced as Afdpt described and even drinking Pepsi or something proper sugary helps get stuff down! Just a tip for y'all who are going through the same thing...

[mes5344]

I've been there. Luckily I am not anymore. Since I knew I had to eat but nothing appealed to me I would force myself to drink ensure or smoothies. This way you're at least still getting some vitamins.

[Ashleyyy]

It's really comforting to know I'm not alone in this, thank you all! Smaller bites are definitely helping me as well. I'm also trying to stay away from "dry" foods like crackers because I'm so afraid I'll gag again. I've definitely been to the point where I made myself drink Boosts because I couldn't eat but that was when I was at my lowest a few years ago. This time, I'm trying to keep eating by having foods like applesauce, bread with butter, watery oatmeal, etc. I'm just hoping that the more I make myself eat, the sooner I'll be able to forget about the gagging incidents I had and be able to resume normal eating!