How can I stop my child having emet?

[curly wurly]

I have been worrying for some time that my almost 6 year old daughter is starting to worry about v*. This time last year she was absolutely fine and even comforted her little brother when he v*. Tonight my daughter spilt gravy on her trousers whilst eating dinner. She got really upset as she said it looked like she had v* on them. She then went on to say that she was scared of v* like me. I tried to reassure her and tell her that v* was nothing to be scared of and mummy is silly to get so upset by it. I feel terrible now, like a really bad mum. My husband works away for 4 months at a time so it is always me who has to deal with the children when they are ill. My daughter is now old enough to realise how much it worries me..I think the time may have come for me to see the doctor about my phobia so that perhaps I can learn to cope with it and be stronger for my children. Has anybody any idea how I can stop my children becomming emetophobic like me?

[liriodendron]

It's not contagious.



In fact, the more likely scenario is quite the opposite. The kids might get fed up with that and pledge do the opposite.


Edited by: liriodendron

[rachelle]

Hiya curly wurly,


I dont have children so I cant give u any "tried and tested" advice, but i think that reassuring ur daughter that being ill isnt something to be scared of and ensuring that she is fully aware of this from now is a good idea. U handled the situation well. Theres not really that much that u can do in order to prevent her from feeling as she does, but i jus suggest letting her see how well u handle situations involving v* so that she will see mummy being brave and calm and realise that its not so scary after all.


Im sorry i couldnt be of more help!


Rachel x x x

[curly wurly]

Hi Rachel


Thank you for your advice. I am sure my daughter will not become emetophobic, she just picks up on everything and does copy me quite a bit. She can pick up on my mood and how I am feeling straight away, but she is a very outgoing, caring little girl and I am sure she will be fine. When she was sick back in October, she was very brave and made it to the toilet each time. Inbetween v*episodes she was very chirpy and even told a few jokes. i think I wish I could be like that1

[samara's on tv]

I think she'll be fine. I mean when I was little I used to freak out about V* running and screaming and crying when one of my sisters did it. They never got emetophobia from me, and they saw how I acted. I think she'll be fine. It's probably just her copying you. If she was okay with it the last time she V*ed then she'll probably get through this phase. If not...we are all here for you and her.


~Monica

[crimgoddess]

Hi Rachel


Thank you for your advice. I am sure my daughter will not become emetophobic, she just picks up on everything and does copy me quite a bit. She can pick up on my mood and how I am feeling straight away, but she is a very outgoing, caring little girl and I am sure she will be fine. When she was sick back in October, she was very brave and made it to the toilet each time. Inbetween v*episodes she was very chirpy and even told a few jokes. i think I wish I could be like that1

I think you hit the nail on the head here. Kids do copy- and learn behaviour from their parents. It's good that you're catching it early so you can talk to her about it before she actually develops a fear. Right now she is probably saying it to be 'just like mom' (the same-sex parent is the most important role model for a kid- according to my psych textbooks). If you talk to her about it and tell her how it's not fun to be scared of vomit, and that you are so proud of the way she handles herself when she is sick, or when other people are sick. Reinforce the good stuff


*amber*

[liriodendron]

I, for one think there's more cases of kids doing the opposite of what
their parents tell them and try to behave differently from their
parents.



Where am I going wrong with this theory?
















































Edited by: liriodendron

[crimgoddess]

I, for one think there's more cases of kids doing the opposite of what their parents tell them and try to behave differently from their parents.

Where am I going wrong with this theory?

That part usually kicks in once puberty hits


*amber*

[curly wurly]

Thank you everyone for your advice and support. I think I just needed reassurance as I do feel so guilty about not being a good mum when my children are ill as I just go into panic mode.

[phoenixrising]

A friend of mine at work was telling me about her daugter who is definitley showing signs of having emet. Through the course of the conversation, I told my friend that I was an emet and she said that she was, too. Like you, she was worried that she had somehow "passed" it along to her daughter, but I don't think that is the case. Neither of my parents are emets. I think the best thing you can do for your daugter is listen to her and comfort her. Unfortunatley, there isn't much you can say to completely calm her fears (as we all know well), but she is still very young. This may well be a passing phase. Children, bless their hearts, have very limited attention spans.


Good luck.

[liriodendron]

That part usually kicks in once puberty hits


*amber*

Mmmkay. I'll buy that. But why wouldn't the habits the child picked up before puberty change too?

[zanana]

I think it's got to be anature over nurture thing, since your daughter is so young it is most likely that she is just copying you and peoples suggestions about telling her how proud you are of the way she handles herself when shes ill are great.
Emetis not a genetic thing, the only way I can think of her picking up on it is if she sees you reacting badly to situations with v* a lot around her, this could give her the idea that v* is a bad thing. So maybe it's best not to freak out about it in front of her, or if you have to panic do it somewhere she isnt. I'm sorry I'm not really helping, I know what I mean.

[crimgoddess]

That part usually kicks in once puberty hits


*amber*

Mmmkay. I'll buy that. But why wouldn't the habits the child picked up before puberty change too?

Some habits do change- some don't. In many cases, the way kids deal with things do change once they hit puberty- but the underlying thinking behind their actions may not. It really does depend on the child and the stability of the home environment. My habits relating to emet have pretty much remained static since age 6 or 7 (although I think I cope better now). I did rebel against some behaviours I learned from my parents- but others remain to this day (much to the chagrin of some people )


With something like a phobia- if you start mimicking something (like how a parent reacts to their emet), it may start out as something fun, or because they believe they will gain acceptance/praise from the parent for being like them. BUT- if it continues for a prolonged period of time, they may actually forget how it began- and start fearing vomit in earnest. So, its important to catch behaviour like this early....or else there is a possibility of another one of us developping. But curly caught it early, and hopefully it can be dealt with


*amber*

[curly wurly]

These sre some interesting replies. I do try really hard not to freak out in front of my children if they v*.


I remember the first time I had to deal with my daughter V*. She was just 9 months old and had been off colour all day. In the middle of the night she had a really high temperature and as I lifted her from the cot it happened. I actually handled it better than I expected. I managed to clean us both up and then comfort her even though I was panicing I managed to hide it well. The next day my daughter was still really ill with a nasty virus and after 2 nights in hospital with my daughter I thought I was prepared for anything in the future, but still each time one of my children v* I panic, shake and feel very dizzy.


Fortunately they are not really sickly children so I do not know why I worry so much. I just wish I did not spend so much time asking my daughter if her tummy hurts or if she feels sick as I am sure this cannot help her. I have had the phobia for as long as I can remember but have no idea where it came from. I have never told a doctor as i have always felt very silly about it. I am now thinking that perhaps it is time I got some help so I can try and control my anxiety when my children are ill. I need to be strong for my children.

[gubba]

I have a son and I worry about that too. He V*'s a good bit and I act so hard like it is no big deal. I don't like to eat out with him incase he get choked and he does V* from that. I don't like to go places if he is acting a little sluggish as I don;t want to deal with his V* in public. At home, I truly just clean it up and rub his back and tell him it is no big deal. Then...I cannot tell you how I freak out once I am alone. I go nuts!!!!!!!!!!!! Now, that said, let me tell you that I don't know if this is hereditary or not. My mom does not have it and I do not know anyone that does, but I don't know where it comes from if it isn't genetic. How can we just suddenly be so scared of something that is a normal bodily function? I can't pinpoint a specific instance that caused my EMET to begin, so I can't help but wonder what causes it. As for being a good mother, you are...just not wanting your kids to be this way is showing that you really do care since you know how awful it can be.

[suze]

Nothing wrong with you as a mother, curly wurly. The fact that you deal with your kids calmly and wait to panic in private when they v* is admirable. I do the same though I dread every night incase it happens.


I too worry about my son being an emet. He's 9 and when he does v* he really panics. He can't watch anyone v* on tv, nor can he be in earshot of his sister when she v*s. He'll always comment if someone has v*d in school and washes his hands alot. I just know he worries about it, although I'm hoping that the worry fades as times moves on. He was like this once before and seemed to get over it.


I'm not sure if he gets it from me though, I do try and stay calm. My daughter shows no signs whatsoever and is very matter of fact about v*. My sister and her daughter are emets, so I do wonder how much is learned behaviour or if anything is indeed heriditary.


One more thing, and I'd be interested to know if anyone is the same. I worry incessantly about my son v*g and I panic if he complains about any stomach ache (which he did tonight, so i won't get much sleep!!). With my daughter though, I'm OK and can cope easily when she's v*g. It seems I can manage with the kid who's not scared, but panic and worry crazily about the one who doesn't cope well. Am I weird here?!!

[curly wurly]

Thank you for your words of reassurance Gubba and Suze. It always helps to hear from other mums who feel the same. I found it interesting that you (Suze) find it easier to cope when your daughter is sick than your son who panics more. I must admit I worry more about my 2 and a half year old son V*. He has only had 1 V* bug and that was last Christmas. He got very distressed by it which is something my daughter never did at that age. I now dread the next time, but hopefully I will be able to be strong and reassure him.

[suze]

You will be strong curly, the mother in us takes over. I cope with my son though I dread it. I think it's harder with a child who gets distressed as we have to dig deeper emotionally to deal with it. With my daughter, I only have my own emotions to deal with. With my son, it's like I'm fighting twice above my weight, and it's draining. I also feel inadequate in a way too as my son can be upset and dread v*g again, and there's not a damn thing I can do about it. You want to protect them from everything they fear, but this one thing, we can't...and that bothers me.

[curly wurly]

I really feel for you. Its horrible for us to have to see our poor children suffering especially when they are distrressed. AlthoughV* myself scares me, the thought of my children or husband v* frightens me so much more. I hope your sons stomach ache has gone now.

[suze]

Yeah, it was nothing in the end...I hardly slept though!! I'm not sure what I fear most, them v*g, or me! I keep telling myself though, whoever it is, I'll cope and sometimes the fear is worse than the event.


Thanks for your concern, hope your Xmas is peaceful and fun x