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  1. #1
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    I am new here - I have been increasingly anxious about v* related issues since my fiance died just over 3 yrs ago. I am a very healthy person most of the time, I don't get colds or illnesses either. I did suffer stress and anxiety problems a few years back from over work, then a friend got killed in a motorbike race accident and then my fiance died a year later. [img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]


    I got sv with Norwalk-like virus a few years back and it's doing the rounds in Devon UK right now where I live. I won't touch doorhandles and stuff..I used to love kids and want them but now I just don't even know if I could handle the illnesses they bring home and feel like a complete let-down.


    I need this site and it's been a great discovery for me. Maybe you guys can help me offload. I am not sure where it all comes from but I am a neurotic mess some days. I HATE IT!! I could quite live as a nomad away somewhere - away from people. My loving partner is a TEACHER!!! but secondary school so kids are older - I fear an outbreak of v* bug in his school...HELP!!


    Where do we get help? What kind of treatment is available??


    [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]Glad not to be alone too...I don't feel such a freak now. Offload over...for now


    Leigh-ann - UK x

  2. #2
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    To add...I suppose that I am wondering if emet stops them wanting kids too? Seems a bit extreme but that's how I feel now. I feel sad that I do too...[img]smileys/smilies_16.gif[/img]

  3. #3
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    I feel the same way about kids. I really want one (One is just fine for me LoL) but I don't think I could handle them getting sick either! I just feel like if my kid got sick I would run away from them...and I can't just run away from them. Hopefully I'll find a partner that's understanding and can help me out. So I know how you feel, don't worry too much about feeling that way.


    ~Monica
    David Duchovny I want you to love me
    To kiss and to hug me, debrief and debug me
    David Duchovny I know you could love me
    I\'m sweet and I\'m cuddly-I\'m gonna kill Scully!

  4. #4
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    Welcome. I have 2 sons, ages 22 and 13. When I was pregnant with my first I was 18, theon-going of the phobia. I was worried about morning sickness but didn't have any. I dont know how I did it but I did. Instead of going out and celebrating my 19th birthday I was on the couch complaining of back pain. I had my youngest when I was 27, he was 6 weeks pre-mature,
    weighed in at 4 pounds/10oz. That pregnancy was hard on me mainly because his father is a dick, but you know I lived through it!!
    I think the time will come when you will want children. Call it an instinct.

  5. #5
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    When I was younger (am almost 33 now!!) I desparately wanted
    kids, their bug spreading potential was never an issue. I
    worry about how I would have felt if my mother had abandoned me when I
    felt and was vs*. I just don't think I can cope with living in
    fear of my kids.



    I am swaying towards having dogs as a substitue...I think I am afraid
    of contagiuos bugs more than anything else - I blame it on those stupid
    government food poisoning ads they stuck on after my bout of
    Norwalk. The ones with all the UV showinng how you touch this and
    then that and then you pick up your cuppa and drink and in they
    go...freaked me out about how many germs there are...now I am
    psychologically damaged.



    I think I want to work out where it started coz its got real bad in the
    last few years since I met my new man. He is wonderful and has
    his own kid aged 7 but he doesn't live with us. His mum kind of
    keeps all the nasty stuff at her end and I can cope.



    How do you cope with emet and want to have kids? I think its getting far too late for me to try now anyway.... <!--
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  6. #6
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    Well, I feel the same. I think that i could hadle when my baby V milk, but when it is older, he can V everything... and i really dont konow how will I do it at all

  7. #7
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    I'm 20 and i pretty much feel the same as you guys. I wouldn't want to abandon a child who was v* and hopefully my partner will be able to help out with that. But by the time most kids get to 15/16ish v* doesn't bother them. I know my younger brothers don't rely on my parents being there, like i do!


    I also think a baby v* would be alright because they wouldn't be able to fit much in their stomach anyway!


    Also, i've said this in another post but i cant emphasise enough how good it is to air your house out. My mother is always opening windows, even in winter and i later learnt at school that doing so helps people to get better immune systems and wards of bugs...


    Perhaps you could try talking to your mother or sister if you have one, because not all people experience morning sickness and your family could belucky! And, although the idea of children terrifies me, i still think i'm going to have some because if i dont then i know this phobia is taking over my life, and i don't want it to hinder my life more than it already has...and who knows maybe seeing your kids v* could help you feel better about it??

  8. #8
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    <TD id=HB_Focus_Element vAlign=top width="100%" background="" height=250 UNABLE="off">ive been an emet most of my life, at least since i was 10 and im now 32. i had my only daughter when i was 18 and didnt have any morning sickness. shes 14 now and obviously been sick throughout her childhood but you just learn to cope with it. its not nice but the worst thing you can do is let them see your fear, unfortunatly my daughter has been showing sighns of being an emet herself which is the last thing i wanted.anyway them being ill is a small price to pay cos nothing beats being a parent. i wouldnt let this stupid phobia put you off wanting kids!!</TD></TR>
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  9. #9
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    I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND!!! I HAVE A 4 YEAR OLD. I WILL NOT HAVE MORE CHILDREN B/C OF MY EMET. THERE IS NO WAY I COULD HANDLE 2 SICK KIDS. I CAN COPE W/ 1 AND THE GOOD THING IS IT DOESN'T HAPPEN OFTEN. MY LITTLE ONE IS A CANCER SURVIVOR SO I HAVE DEALT W/ MORE THAN ENOUGH V* FOR MY LIFETIME!!!!

  10. #10
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    Oh my dear, this fear is not unique amongst emets. Rest assured you are not alone! Let me just start by saying that unless you're dealing with medical issues that would prevent you from conceiving a child, 33 is NOT too late in life to begin having children!


    I can only speak for myself, but I have feared having children for years. I have the "normal" fears (at least I hope they're normal!), like would I be a good parent, would I have enough patience, etc. But I think my fear of being able to properly care for them when they're ill is probablymy biggest! I'm sure itsoundsridiculous to the non-emet world. But it's very helpful and reassuring to be able to find a place like this whereothers like us, who truly understand what we go through,can tell you that your fears are valid and that they share those same fears as well.


    I shared this fear abouthaving children on another onlineemet forum a few years ago. Ireceivedsome very reassuring responses, most fromother emets who had children, urging me to not let my fears/phobia keep me from experiencing one of themost precious joys in life. Some told me that once their child was born, some maternal force/instinct took over that pretty much drove away their phobia. Their love and desire to care for their sick child far outweighed the emet, and some even becamea bit de-sensitized to illness, v*ing, etc. (their own child's anyway). Some knew their phobia was still present, but they were able to find ways to overcome theirfears&amp; anxiety, especially if they had supportive spouses. Coping mechanisms, if you will. One lady told me that when her son was sick and she started to feelher heart beating faster signaling those awful panic attacks (especially if her husband wasn't around), her coping mechanism was talking herself through it.She would remind herself that she can do this, thatv*ing is a natural human occurance, that nothing terrible would happen toher or her son and that they were both going to be okay. She said each time her son was sick, it got just a tiny bit easier for her.


    Sorry this is such a long post, but I just wanted to let you know I have that same fear about children &amp; I justwanted to share with you some of the positive,encouraging feedback I've received from other emets who aremothers. Feel free to PM meor start a discussion anytime to chat more about this! -- Stacy
    \"Horticulture: You can lead a whore to culture, but you cannot make her think.\" -- Dorothy Parker

  11. #11
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    p.s. I wanted to add that I am so sorry you've had to endure the loss of your friend and your fiance'. I think that alone proves that you have a tremendous amount of inner strength and can overcome just about anything!
    \"Horticulture: You can lead a whore to culture, but you cannot make her think.\" -- Dorothy Parker

  12. #12
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    I decided at the age of 18 that I didnt want children (Im now 37)


    Part of the problem was that I became pregnant and panicked, but I decided it was right for me and my decision has never wavered.


    I have two sisters who have given me two nieces and a niece and nephew and I absolutely love them to bits.


    I dont necessarilry think its my emet that stopped me from having kids, just that I wasnt really that up for it and theemet assisted my decision.


    I have a good life and I lovemy hubby and my rabbit (yeah substitute baby kind of!!!) but I guess its down to the individual as to whats right for each of us.


    Laney

  13. #13
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    Sorry to hear about your loss. What doesnt kill you only makes you stronger right?

    I also want kids but Im scared of dealing with the vomit whether its from me or from my kids. I think in the end I still will end up having kids.... adopted or biological. Everytime I am in a situation where I feel sick I try to tell myself that its okay that its normal and I might as well get over this now than feel like this again. It takes baby steps but i gotta admit that it feels like there is an improvement every time i feel sick to my stomach. Also I dont know if this will work for you... but I use to be TERRIBLY afraid of vomit .. espiclally seeing ppl who did that. When I started going out to bars and clubs a lot when i was 18 (Im now 20)I had to deal with ppl v* every week!!!!, or smell it in the clubs or the bars when I go inside. (Im actually going to a bar tonight) the washrooms would freak me out the most considering ppl vomit int here most of the time. But the more i went out the more i was okay with it.. it took a year but it was fine after awhile because my friends sometimes would have too much to drink and I would feel like such a bad friend when I couldn't be there for them while they were vomitting. Now I can deal with vomit if it was because of alcohol but Im still terrified of REAL vomit haha (vomit that is not induced by alcohol). I guess that would take some time for me to get use to. But im just sharing with you my experience maybe you would know that you're not alone on this.

    Feel better,
    -vee
    Joined in 2006. For all those that have helped me I hope I can offer some help for those who seek it now.

  14. #14
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    Laney,


    I have 2 bunnies too! Aren't they sweet?



  15. #15
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    Happy teacher....... what are your bunnies names?


    Mine is called Ralphy (after Ralph Wiggum in the Simpsons) becos hes an absolute nutcase!Hes only 6 months old but gets up to so much mischief,he eats everything he can get his paws on including furniture, and also loves getting into the smallest spaces possible, even if he then cant get back out!!!!


    Laney [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

  16. #16
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    Laney,


    Our 2 year old male is named Thumper after the bunny in Bambi and our year and a half old female is named Smudge because she is all white except black rings around her eyes and a black sumdge on her back. They are so loveable. The only thing is that our female needs to be spayed because her hormones are making her a little bit, how to I say, bitchy![img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img] She is starting to grunt at us when we come to feed her! Our male was neutered at 5 months and he is the most docile, affectionate thing! I never knew bunnies could be so smart!

  17. #17
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    You could go to a cognitive-behavioral therapist who specializes in phobias, and work on diminishing your phobia. Then, you could have kids without this concern.

  18. #18
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    Japa,


    I am just curious because you seem so strong and centered. Do you have children?
    \"This too shall pass\"

  19. #19
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    No, I don't. I've never planned to have children of my own for a ton of reasons, one of which is that I have been so seriously mentally screwed up in ways that didn't even have to do with emetophobia, and I felt that some of those ways would not be good for raising children (well, I guess one really quick example was that I would have self hatred that would lead to severe suicidal feelings -- These suicidal feelings would go into remission, sometimes for years, but I would know that they were lurking somewhere close by. Needless to say, planning on creating a new life when you are not even fully committed to living out your own life didn't seem like a good idea to me).


    Now I have been in therapy for many years, and I have figured out a lot of things that have made me feel much more centered. The suicidal feelings are in the past now because I realized their roots (long story). I plan not to marry, again for many reasons -- some are reasons that come from a healthy place, and some just aren't. They come from fear or bad experiences, so I am still working on that.


    My plans right now are to wait until I have been a professor for a few years, and then I am going to look into adopting a foster child.


    I think that my emetophobia, though it has always been around, is somewhat mild in comparison to some other people on here, but I plan to work on the last bit of it in therapy (along with a lot of other stuff) before I adopt. I don't really care about others' vomiting. I can look at pictures, movies, whatever. But it has still been 28 years since the last time that I vomited. The only thing is that I hardly ever feel nauseated, and if I ever do, it's only a slight feeling that passes in about 15 minutes. But I still don't like the thought of myself throwing up, so there's still a bit more work to be done on that.


    Quote Originally Posted by shiva


    Japa,


    I am just curious because you seem so strong and centered. Do you have children?

  20. #20
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    Wow Japa!


    As I was reading through what you were sharing with us I was thinking to myself that you should adopt a foster child. (Just because you seem to me like you would be a great parent.. your therapy has really paid off as far as I can tell.. I always appreciate and envy your attitude here. I am sure you have the same energy elsewhere in your life. ) Then I saw that you had typed that you were thinking about it! That was funny!


    Thanks for answering my question. I hope it didn't seem like I was prying. I was just curious.
    \"This too shall pass\"

  21. #21
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    Leigh-ann,


    I have severe anxiety of other people throwing up and I want a child. My need to bea mother outwieghs the anxiety I know I'm going to suffer when my children are sick. I am lucky enough to have a husband that would support me through any illnesses our children may have. It is my feeling that being a parent would be my life's greatest accomplishment.


    I only recently came tounderstand how much I want this. My husband and I have been trying for 5 months to conceive without success. The build of hope and disappointment each month kills me, but I know the end will justify the means. I have to be patient. Good things come to those who wait!


    I'm in cognitive behavioural therapy and have been for a year. I have made some small improvements, but I still have a long way to go. I guess my biggest achievement is that I now BELIEVE I can be helped. I will beat this. I'm not that much younger than you I'm 29 (turning 30 this year) and I have suffered with my emet for 23 years. I am only now getting some help, but I am getting help.


    If you want a child it isn't too late for you at all, you still have time. It is, however, a different decision for everyone. Don't let emet drive your decision.Don't let it win.


    happyteacher

  22. #22
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    i dont think i will ever be able to have kids, pregnancy would kill me. not to be overly dramatic, bt i honestly honestly think that i would kill myself if i had to live in even more fear than i am already in for nine whole months

  23. #23
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    To all of you: Please don't let your emet put you off having kids! I've had emet for 40 years, thought I'd never have a family because of it. But now I've got 2 sons, &amp; when they're sick, I can deal with it. I hate every minute, but I can stay with them and I can cope. Your maternal instincts will kick in.


    I'm stilla full-blown emet in all other situations - I'd run away from friends, family, even my nieces &amp; nephew. But I can be there for my boys. That'll do till there's a cure!

  24. #24
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    Shiva -- What a lovely thing to say to me. You are such a kind and considerate person - and very strong yourself. I have always admired you since I joined this forum.


    Quote Originally Posted by shiva


    Wow Japa!


    As I was reading through what you were sharing with us I was thinking to myself that you should adopt a foster child. (Just because you seem to me like you would be a great parent.. your therapy has really paid off as far as I can tell.. I always appreciate and envy your attitude here. I am sure you have the same energy elsewhere in your life. ) Then I saw that you had typed that you were thinking about it! That was funny!


    Thanks for answering my question. I hope it didn't seem like I was prying. I was just curious.

  25. #25
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    happyteacher,


    I feel the exact same way. I am only 18 and I don't plan on having children until I have graduated from college and have made a career for myself, but I have wanted to be a mother since I was little and I cannot let a phobia get in the way of that.I know it will be hard when they get sick, but just think of all the times that they aren't sick, and what a joy that will be! Hopefully I will have a supportive husband who understands my fear and will make things much easier for me.


    Kristina
    \"if you can\'t laugh at yourself, life\'s gonna seem a whole lot longer than you\'d like\"- garden state

  26. #26
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    I would say that deciding not to have children because of emet would definitely require therapy. One should not let this rule their lives to such an extent.


    However, I have many friends who have decided not to have children for other reasons and that is their choice (i guess any reason is a personal choice) and I respect that. In most cases I would tend to agree.


    It is certainly the most personal decision a person could ever make. I did not plan my pregnancy, and because of my emet I actually had an appointment to terminate. I cannot express to anyone how grateful I am that I did not. Being pregnant and giving birth (to me personally) was sincerely one of the most gratifying and amazing experiences that I had ever been through in my life. Nothing could have ever made me feel more significant, worth while or alive. So many of my problems disappeared after giving of myself to my child.
    \"This too shall pass\"

  27. #27
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    Woolumstick, I am so sincerely sorry for your experiences and your loss.
    \"This too shall pass\"

  28. #28
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    I just want to say how much I appreciate those with children on here sharing their parenting experiences, bothpositive &amp; difficult, with those of us who fear having children due to their emet. Thank you to happyteacher as well for sharing yourdisapointments &amp; frustrations with trying to conceive; I know it's a very personal thing, but it's inspiring to see someone notallowing their emet to keep them from being a parent. I truly hope it happens for you very soon!


    I have drawn so much encouragement from all of you...thank you!


    Stacy
    \"Horticulture: You can lead a whore to culture, but you cannot make her think.\" -- Dorothy Parker

  29. #29
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    Welcome to the site. There are so many nice people on here that can give you support for anything. As for having kids - I don't want them either. Especially, if they are anything like my husband, but that's a different story. That was mean. I shouldn't have said that. I guess it's bash on husband night.lol WELCOME!!!
    xoxo Mel xoxo

    If you love something,
    set if free,
    If it comes back to you,
    it is yours.
    If it does not,
    it was
    never meant to be.

  30. #30
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    I've been an emet for about 12 years, with the severity of it going in waves. It was pretty mild until I had my daughter almost two years ago. Then it reared its ugly head and it's been a constant struggle ever since. I'm in the process of getting treatment, and part of me wants to have more kids one day, but I'm starting to feel like every child is a potential vomiter who I will worry about constantly. You know your emet is bad when you let it interfere with huge decisions like these.


    Welcome to the board and best of luck kicking this phobia.


    Nikki

 

 

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