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  1. #1
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    My son suffers from ADHD. His behaviour is really bad at the moment. Over the weekend he has hit me with a football in my head, slapped his little sisters face. Last night he tried to push me downstairs, and he kicked me in the kidneys. I have tried to get help, but no one has helped me. He is on medication for this. I am so sad and feel very alone with this. He is 13 years old. I dont know what to do.


    People say i should phone the Police as this is assult. But he is still my son. His step dad tells him off and he listens, but when his step dad goes out, he is being verbally abusive and physically abusive.


    I do love him, but i cant cope with this anymore. Does anyone have any thoughts on what i should do.


    Sorry for the long post, but i am very sad and upset.


    Big hugs
    Fifi
    xxxxx

  2. #2
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    Firstly i want to say you are doing a great job coping and caringfor your son and it can't be easy at all for you. Also i am disgusted that health professionals in your area are not helping you more, but then again this is the good old NHS we are talking about, sometimes they are as useful as a chocolate teapot!


    Can you try again and take him back to the doctors? Maybe he needs a change of medication or to see a specialist? It must be terrible for you, to love him so much you want to do anything for him but to also be scared that he may lash out at any time, i really feel for you hun. If i was you i would go back to the GP and demand help as it is his medical condition that is making him act this way. You cannot be a punchbag for him and i am sure he does not like acting the way he does but just can't help it.


    I really hope you are able to get some help hun


    Trinity

  3. #3
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    Thank you Trinity for your help. I have been promised help, however, yet again, nothing ever comes of it. I dont want to be like this. i feel helpless and afraid for me and my daughter. You are right about the NHS, and social services. If i was being violent to him, i would have everyone trying to sort it out, but when it is the other way round, no one is here for the parent. It is very upsetting and each time he hurts me,my heart dies. It is like being married to a violent person, the only big difference is that i carried him and gave birth to him, fed him and helped him.


    Thank you so much for your support and kind words.
    Big hugs
    Fifi
    xxxxx

  4. #4
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    Its no trouble at all, i just wish i could do something more! Like you said if the abuse was the other way around everyone would be hopping around getting everything done. I am so sorry that you are living in fear, it must be so tough when it's your own child. Does he realise what he is doing, does he ever say sorry? Or does his condition take over and he doesn't even realise that he is doing it?


    The NHS just doesn't realise that people need help now, that is why they ask for it in the first place! Instead you go on a waiting list for months and by the time you get an appointment you are so worn down you are in a ten times worse position than when you first started.


    I really hope you can get help, but we are all here if you ever need to just vent and talk and need a shoulder to cry on


    Trinity

  5. #5
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    Thank you so much. He does say sorry afterwards, but its just a word with him and he does not realise that he has hurt me inside as well as out. I do really appreciate your words.


    I am off work today because of it. My daughter woke up and felt poorly so i have kept her off school today so we can have a quiet time together. I dont want her growing up thinking that all men are like her brother. I do talk to her about his condition, however, he cant keep using adhd as an excuse to be violent.


    Thank you hun for your kind words and support.


    xxx
    Big hugs
    Fifi
    xxxxx

  6. #6
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    Poor you Fifi. I am really sorry you are going through such a tough time. Reading about your sons physical abusive behaviour sounds so much like what my mum went through with a child she fostered who had ADHD. She fostered him from the age of 4 until he was 17 and his behaviour became violent from about the age of 11. I used to cry for my mum when he lashed out at her. Once again, nobody was willing to help.


    I think you are doing really well, but I know how much you must be hurting when your son, who you love so much, hurts you in this way. I hope you get some help from the GP soon. Good luck. I hope things get better for you soon.

  7. #7
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    Thank you Curly Wurly.


    Its so horriable when he gets violent. I am awaiting a phone call from a group that will come and help, however, i have been waiting 4 weeks for that call. I get lip service from these people and nothing else. I am not a weak person and i hate it when he makes me feel that way.


    I thank you also for your kind words and encouragement(sp)


    Big hugs
    Fifi
    xxxxx

  8. #8
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    hey fifi.... it is truly awful wot u must be going through... but i will just tell u, you are not alone... i work for a neurotherapist and she treats a LOT of adhd kids... many of them and their families going through EXACTLY the same thing... to give a brief outline of wot neurotherapy is: the client's brainwaves are monitored and any irregularities in the three types of wave in specific parts of the brain indicates the client's disability. for example, low beta wave in the frontal lobe means the client is suffering depression. from this information the parent/s and the child are assessed in other ways, such as the child's thought patterns and behaviour and the parent's knowledge of their child's behaviour, sleeping patterns, etc. from all of this the diagnosis is complete and training takes place to re-train that part of the brain and that irregular brainwave to bring it bak to the 'normal' rate and therefore lower the level of adhd in the child. i know it may all sound very wishy washy to u and u may be thinking 'oh god not another of these crazy therapies' but THIS WORKS. it is the same as psychology or counselling yet the child isnt just being emotionally cured but PHYSICALLY as well. i have seen many adhd kids come into the clinic throwing things around and running a-muck, to leave as a 'normally' behaved kid wit a brighter future and a happier family. if u want anymore information just ask... im just offering a suggestion but im doing so cos i know this works... and wit ur child physically abusing u like that this can not be left unnoticed... plz, see ur gp, do woteva u can.. me, i swear by neurotherapy, it is a fantastic method wit AMAZING results.. good luck girl let us know how ur doing
    stef - everything happens for a reason

  9. #9
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    Thank you sooo much Stef. That is very interesting and i will definatley look into that here in England. Are these children you see, violent towards there mums aswell?


    I wonder why its with women they are violent with, maybe its because they know you will never abandon them, but s..t it is difficult not too sometimes.


    Thank you for your answers and your advise.
    Big hugs
    Fifi
    xxxxx

  10. #10
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    Just to keep you updated. I have a meeting with Social Services on Friday to discuss my problem. I will let you know what they say.


    I am worried about going, but hopefully i will get this sorted once and for all.


    Big hugs
    Fifi
    xxxxx

  11. #11
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    I really hope the meeting goes well for you. Try not to worry, hopefully things will get betterfor you soon. Good luck!

  12. #12
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    Good luck hun i really hope they can give you some help, you are doing all that you can for your family, most of all you are sticking by your son and trying to get him some help, you are a fantastic mum!


    Take care and keep us posted


    Trinity xxxx

  13. #13
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    Hi Fifi


    I really hope your meeting with Social Services goes well too. I am a S/W and see children inc teenagers with ADHD and thier parents A LOT. In the authority I work in we have childrens support workers who do direct work with children and young people to help them identify the triggers for thier anger and then help them find ways of managing this. It will be worth asking if there is anything like this where you live. BUT be prepared to have to wait. I hate to say it but usually there is a waiting list for these services becasue there are so many young people and families needing this help. I know that generally people are cynical about how social services etc can help but believe me if we could we would help everyone straight away and actually we do appreciate the irony regarding his abuse of you and how different our reactions are when it's the other way round.I wondered how your sons school'sare with his behaviour (if his behaviour is bad at school as well) - I have found it really can help if a school is on board and work with you as a family.


    I can alsotell you that it really helps the children (and us) to have caring co-operative parents who recognise that there are things they can do to help thier children as well. So don't be surprised if you have "work" to do as well. You probably won't be surprised to know that there are lots of parents who don't care and don't think that there is anything they can doand tend to place a lot of blame on thier kids. This isn't the case. But I don't think you sound like one of these uncaring parents at all and so I think that your son has a really good chance of having a bright future and you will have a happier family life.


    Lots and lots of luck

  14. #14
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    Thank you for your kind words and thoughts. It made me cry to read the things you have all said. I really want to help him. He is naughty at school and has been in the unit where they put kids that have been withdrawn from lessons. I am upset as i know he can do alot better and i feel as though i have let him down. I am scared about friday, however, i will be pleased to get some help .


    I just need a rest from all this violence and he hatred towards me. I dont know why he is like this.


    Thank you all again very much.


    xxxxxx
    Big hugs
    Fifi
    xxxxx

  15. #15
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    Hi Fifi


    I was wondering how your meeting with social services went yesterday????


    Tempest X

  16. #16
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    Hi Prospero,


    The meeting went very well and i am finally going to get help after so long. The social worker was really nice and i will be seeing her again in about two weeks. Thank you all for your support and advice. My son did hit me again last nite, i am writing it all down in a diary so i can show the people and get him better.


    Thank you all again,


    Lots of love


    Fifi


    xxxxxx
    Big hugs
    Fifi
    xxxxx

 

 

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