OT - mums’ advice or anyone who can help!

[suze]

I am separated from my kids' dad and since we split a year ago, he's taken a couple of holidays a year and taken our oldest along (he's coming 10). This year he wants to take our daughter, who has just turned 5. She sees him frequently and has been away for weekends with him, but he wants to take them both to Greece this summer for a week. As you know, Greece is in Southern Europe and about a four hour flight away from here.


I'm really not sure about this. I keep thinking a week is a long time for a 5 year old who has never been away from her mum for longer than two nights. Also, if she did get distressed, there is no way I could go and get her and bring her home. I'm fine with my son going, he's travelled alot, and has been away on his own on school trips, sports tournaments etc., so I know without a doubt that he can handle it all. And a ten year old is completely different to a 5 year old.


Am I being too over-protective here? At just 5 years old, she still seems a baby to me, and at this stage, still very dependent on having her mum around. Any advice would be really gratefully received as I just don't know what to do. Thanks!

[fifi]

Hi Suze,


I would let her go as she will really enjoy it. I know its difficult, however, she will be with her dad. I understand what you are going through as i have the same thing. I think she will love the adventure of flying. I know at 5 they are still clingy, this may do her good to be away from you.


Have you asked her if she would like to go? She will be with her brother. Ask her and see what she says, let her know that you wont be with her. At least if you ask her now, she has time to let it sink in.


Hope you are ok?


Lots of love


Fifi


xxx

[suze]

Thanks Fifi, I have asked her and she does want to go, though I don't think she realises how long a week is! She'll also have her big (half) sister with her, who she adores. It's just that it seems so far away.We have travelled abroad before, so she's used to flying, but she's always had me there.


I'm wondering ifpart of the problemis my fear of letting both my kids go. I've never been apart from both of them for more than two nights, and my life revolves around them. I just can't imagine not seeing my little one for so long.


Anyway, thanks for the advice Fifi. Hope you and the family are ok too!

[fifi]

When my kids go to there dads for a day- i hate it to. You feel out of control. What you must do is plan something for you todo when they go away. Maybe decorate there rooms or something like that. Catch up with old friends, make sure your time is taken up doing things that you want to do- make the most of the freedom. At least she has her big sister with her. Just get some things to fill in your time. I am here for you if you want to pm me.


xxxxx

[suze]

Thanks Fifi, I know you understand how I feel. I suppose I've got some time to get used to it, they don't usually go until August. You're right, it is a control thing, like everything in my life! It's like no-one can really care for her like I do. I know that sounds arrogant, and it's very untrue as her dad loves her as much as I do, it's just how I feel when I'm separated from her.


I remember feeling exactly this way when my son went away with the school for the first time, but he loved it all, and even I coped better than expected!! He's off to Belgium with his school in June and I'm completely OK with that (alright, a tiny bit worried!) so it's just something I have to get used to!

[jennyleigh1975]

I know this is a hard decision for you. I think you kinda have to go on her maturity level. If she is wanting to go and doesnt seemed stressed about going, I think I would let her go. If she is going to continue seeing her dad, and he likes to travel and take them to all these awesome places, then you are going to have to make the break sometime. Is your ex-hubby good with them? Would he know how to handle things if your daughter did get home sick?

As hard as it might be, I think that if I trusted my childrens dad, I would let my daughter go. Ultimately though, you have to do what you feel comfortable with.

[kristi425]

I know I'm not in this position, but growing up in a house where my parents were seperated for a while, I do have an opinion.


I think that you should let her go with her dad. I know a week must seem like forever and with her all the way in another country, it must feel like you're just handing her over to possible disaster. Just try to keep in mind that her dad, dispite the problems between you two, loves her very much as well. He wouldn't want to take her to another country if he didn't love her and want her to expreience it with him. It's his kid too and he also doesn't want anything to happen to his baby.


I would let her go and have fun. I know you will be worried- and as a good caring mother how could you not be? I haven't even had my baby yet, and the father and I are still together, and I still can't even imagine being seperated from my fetus for a week. Lol! But on a more serious note, her going away for a week doesn't mean she's going to leave you forever. In fact, it will give you some time for just you. You'll be able to do things you can't with your kids home. Maybe have a good friend over for a nightor go out to a nice dinner or get your nails done. Make it an all about you week since your kids won't be there.


Where in Greece are they going? Will there be a telephone available? Maybe ask the father is the kids can call you when they get the time a couple times during the week. That way you'll be able to hear the fun they're having over there and it'll comfort you to hear their voices.


Just a couple of suggestions. Good luck!

[madisonsmom]

I dont know your particular circumstances but I think it would be a good experience for her. Does she enjoy being with her dad?


Its hard to be separated I know. But, I think it would be a positive thing to let her go!

[suze]

Thanks for you comments, they are really helpful and are really helping me come to terms with letting her go!


JennyLeigh - he is very good with all his kids, and I know he would do everything he could to comfort her if she was homesick. So too would her big sister, who's nearly 13. He's an alcoholic but has been dry for 18 months now. There is no way I would let him take the kids away if he was drinking, but that's not an issue anymore. He has taken the two older kids to Greece, New York and Canada in the past 15 months so is capable of caring for them. As for her maturity level, well apparently at school she is the most sensible kid in the class! At home, she just wants to be her mum's "baby doll" - lol!!


Kristi - I value your opinion very much, I forget that other people have actually experienced a life like my kids', so input from this perspective is invaluable. You're right in that all I think about is the possible disaster, but if anything, he's more careful with them now than ever before, because he knows his life wouldn't be worth living if anything happened to one of my babies - lol!!! I'm not sure where in Greece they're going yet, but they went to Zante last year and his mobile phone was working fine out there. I can keep in regular contact, that's not a problem.


You sound as over-protective of your foetus as I was...and it gets worse once they are born. I wouldn't trust anyone with my son for the first 3 years - lol!! With my second though I was far more relaxed...i think that's normal!


Anyway, thanks again both for your really useful and helpful comments. And good luck Kristi with the rest of the pregnancy!

[suze]

Sorry madison, you must have posted your reply while I was typing mine - I wasn't ignoring you honestly!!


Anyway, yes she does enjoy being with her dad, he lives locally and she already stays over with him two nights a week, and usually spends one day at the weekend with him. She's also going away with him later this month for a weekend. My son has actually spent the last five nights with him so there is plenty of contact, which I'm happy about.


You're right, it would be a positive thing to let her go - but you know us emets, always look on the negative side!! I guess one good thing is that I'll have a week where I don't worry about the kids v*!!


Thanks again!

[blondie90]

Suze- five is definitely young but i think you should let her go!! it will be a great experience for her. i went to greece two years ago and i'm going back next summer. she will absolutely love it, and you will have a nice relaxing week!!!! no sv* worries! yay!

[madisonsmom]

[img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]I understand...

[aar13]

Hey Suze!


I know how you feel and my daughter goes with her dad every other weekend - this summer I allowed him to take her to the beach for 5 nights and as long as my daughter was ok with it I was too. He is a wonderful dad and she had a great time!


I think that as long as you are comfortable with him taking her and as long as she is ok with it too, then it would be a great experience for her. (Not to mention some down time for you too!) It will be hard for you I'm sure, but your daughter will have a great time. You decide because only you know how your ex is with the kids, but if you trust him with them, then I say for for it!


Lots of Luck!


Alissa

[jennyleigh1975]

I say maturity level, I hope you guys know that I dont expect her to act like a grown up. What I meant was the some children arent gonna be ready for a trip like that at age 5, some will be. I think in some cases you have to base things more on how you think the child will deal with it, rather than their age. I know letting her go this first time will be hard.

[suze]

Blondi, Alissa, thanks for your comments. Yeah, five does seem young but she will be with her dad and her siblings, so based on all the comments I've had here, I'm convinced that letting her go is the right thing to do, so thanks to everyone for all your comments.


Oh, Jennyleigh, I understood your comment completely about maturity levels. I see it at school all the time, some kids are just very secure with themselves at that age, where others are very clingy still. I think my daughter is quite grown up for her age, she definitely has her head screwed on!


Anyway, thanks again. Hopefully in a few months time I'll be letting you know what a fab time she had!

[aar13]

Hey Suze!


I think that is a really great decision that everyone will be happy with. And you still have time to change your mind if you need to. But don't worry, she will go and have a wonderful time!


Alissa