Ok I tried the desensitization thing, and I was pretty proud of myself when I reached level 18... And then came 19 and it was just too much for me, that was all I could take until I v* myself. It reminded me about my childhood a little too much I think.
This is graphic!
When I was in middle school, I was homeless for a while and I was forced to live with my father, whom I didn't know for a couple of months. I used to sleep in his living room in a sleeping bag by myself. He had two cats, one of which was very old. Everynight (really everynight, it seemed like clockwork) at three O'clock in the morning, I would awaken to the sounds of the elder cat vomiting somewhere around me. It was completely dark, because my father did not like lights being on at night. So I would wake up to the sounds of it everynight and the only light I had was the light of the numbers on my alarm clock. I couldn't tell where the cat was, sometimes he was on the other side of the room, which those nights I had a chance of falling back to sleep, and on the worst occasions, the cat was actually v* on my sleeping bag or on me. I would cry all night, terrified to get up because I couldn't see and I didn't want to see it or touch it. sometimes the cat would come right up to my face after having v* on me and try to lick me. I think that was the most terrifying thing to me. I would lie there for the rest of the morning with the weight of the v* on my leg, terrified to get up or move, until I could see.
It is making me to nervous to write this down and having written it, I see how really truly terrifying it was. At the time I thought I was just being weak, but now I realize a lot of people would have been uneasy about it.
What comforts me and helps me get through these things is your replies, so any stories or advice you have, especially sage would be great.
I really want to get past this.
Claire
The sun never sets on a badass...