how would you feel if you vted?

[hairyfairy]

I`ve read loads of threads on this site from people who have vted, & feel good about it. That seems very strange to me, given the attitude most of us have to it. I know that I could never feel positive about it, because I still feel p****d off at myself for vting in the past. If I lost control of myself & did it, I`d never be able to forgive myself for losing control & doing something so revolting, even if no-one saw me. Am I the only member who feels this way?

[jmoore10]

Nope, you aren't . I can't say I'm pissed at myself for allowing previous times to happen cause I was just a kid the last time it happened-6 or 7 maybe.
It makes me happy for the people who do IT and are ok with it once it happens-theyre getting liberation from this fear. I try to put myself in the same position and it's just out of the question. Part of me doesn't even care that I could possibly feel the same liberation-I flat out don't want it to happen, period, end of story. For me, I HAVE to avoid it at all costs no matter what, even if it means continuing living day and and day out as I have been. I just can't even fathom anything else
I guess that shitty attitude of mine is only going to keep me from ever getting better. Maybe if I wasn't so close-minded I too
could get better

[zombie0037]

I went a 34 years with out vomiting, , I vomited for the first time in May this year, it made realise that my fear made it alot worse than what it really was, but still didn't cured me, I think the vomiting isn't the main reason for my phobia, but an association, as I still have daily panick attack, and find it hard to leave the house, but i do now understand is the difference between real nausea, and anxiety nausea, so there is some progress, if you people ever need vomit, you will, and your deal with it, have comfort in that. I don't feel liberated yet, but how i see it as baby steps..

[out_of_order]

Well see, the thing is that there are times in life where you have no choice, your body needs to vomit and it will no matter what you do not to. These times can literally save your life. So, looking at vomiting as some kind of personal failure and being angry at yourself for "allowing" yourself to lose control is, in my opinion, is very wrong and will not help you at all with this phobia because if you take personal responsibility for every time your body does what it needs to do, you're setting yourself up for major failure. It would be like being angry at yourself for "allowing" yourself to have diarrhea. Some body functions are simply out of our control no matter how careful we are or how much medication we pump into ourselves.

To answer your question about how I'd feel if I vomited, well, probably the same way I've felt in the past when it happened: terrified before it happens, terrified during, and incredibly relieved afterwards because I have always felt instantly much better after vomiting. And, yes, because I'm emetophobic, when it has happened and I handled it (what choice did I have?) I did feel proud of myself. Having said that, I never ever ever want to do it again because the act of vomiting has never made my phobia go away. But that's because I don't think vomiting is the real problem, having an anxiety disorder is.

[hairyfairy]

[QUOT










I don`t see how vting can save someone`s life unless theyv`e been poisoned, & as that doesn`t normally happen to people nowadays, nearly all vting is unnessesary. I know that all the times that I`ve done it, there was absolutely no need for it, & I`m sure that anyone can prevent vting if theyr`e determined enough. I honestly wish that there was no such thing as v, & as far as I`m concerned, vting is just the bodie`s way of being spiteful.













E=out_of_order;410380]Well see, the thing is that there are times in life where you have no choice, your body needs to vomit and it will no matter what you do not to. These times can literally save your life. So, looking at vomiting as some kind of personal failure and being angry at yourself for "allowing" yourself to lose control is, in my opinion, is very wrong and will not help you at all with this phobia because if you take personal responsibility for every time your body does what it needs to do, you're setting yourself up for major failure. It would be like being angry at yourself for "allowing" yourself to have diarrhea. Some body functions are simply out of our control no matter how careful we are or how much medication we pump into ourselves.

To answer your question about how I'd feel if I vomited, well, probably the same way I've felt in the past when it happened: terrified before it happens, terrified during, and incredibly relieved afterwards because I have always felt instantly much better after vomiting. And, yes, because I'm emetophobic, when it has happened and I handled it (what choice did I have?) I did feel proud of myself. Having said that, I never ever ever want to do it again because the act of vomiting has never made my phobia go away. But that's because I don't think vomiting is the real problem, having an anxiety disorder is.[/QUOTE]

[jmoore10]

I would personally be happier if there was no such thing as v* and no one would ever have to do it.
That being said, I do believe it can be a good thing like in the case of poisoning, such as alcohol or a drug overdose.
True story-my teenage daughter wnt on a trip back home to Chicago last year with her nana (my mom) to see our family. I couldn't go because of work. Anyhow while out there she went with the family to a graduation party for her cousin's girlfriend and proceeded to get very drunk. She's a little thing (about 5'1, 120 lbs) and does not typically drink. To this day, i don't know what possessed her that night but from what I could gather she drank a bunch of different alcohols-mikes hard lemonade, beer, jungle juice, jello shots. Needless to say, she was violently sick all thru the nite and pretty much the entire next day. I was beyond livid when I found this out the next day. Not so much that shed had alcohol but that shed been so stupid aout it. I was also furious with my mother for leaving her at this party after shed already been drinking. luckily her cousin (god bless him) took care of her all night and made sure she was ok.
Regardless I do believe that if her body hadn't gotten rid of all those toxins like it did, she easily could have died from alcohol
poisoning. In this case it was a good thing-it may have potentially saved her life plus she really has no desire to drink again.

[klp]

to out_of_order - Could you elaborate more on what you mean when you say that you don't think vomiting is the problem and having an anxiety disorder is. I get confused when people say it's not the vomiting we are afraid of but the anxiety.

[MarrickFait]

We fear vomiting in some form, but for some people, anxiety is what needs attention.

[SaSa]

I honestly don't know. I have a severe phobia of heights too and I remember once I had to go to the 10th floor of a building. I was freaking out on the way up but once I got to the top, I felt ok. I don't know if this would be the same though.

[KaydeeJayde]

to out_of_order - Could you elaborate more on what you mean when you say that you don't think vomiting is the problem and having an anxiety disorder is. I get confused when people say it's not the vomiting we are afraid of but the anxiety.

The anxiety disorder is what makes you afraid of vomiting. So it's not vomiting that's the problem. It needs to be realised that vomiting is NEVER going away, not in any of our lifetimes. If you treat the anxiety, then the fact that people vomit, that you vomit, that vomit happens won't bother you so much.

[jennjt]

I was thinking about the original question, "How would you feel if you v'td," and I feel like such a "negative nancy" if I really answer this question honestly. But-- here goes ... I vomited last October for the first time in YEARS (and first time EVER from what Im pretty sure was Noro)... Again, I am not trying to be deliberately negative, but this is how I truly perceived the experience... It was worse than I ever thought! Even as an emet! I knew I had this fear but didn't know the name until about 6 months ago, and the reason I started looking/ researching was that my emet kicked into high gear after this experience. I do agree that the anxiety before AND after is the worst part, but I can't remember feeling more helpless. And afraid. And it hasn't gotten ANY better since then (actually, increasingly worse) in the past 8 months since. I am seeing a psych, on Meds, have somewhat of a small support group, etc, but I can answer this question honestly in saying, FOR ME, if I vomited, I would feel worse. Sigh.

[gumdropper1]

Hairy,

I'm not pissed at myself for puking last time (see my sig for how long it's been) because what I learned about vomiting that day, I have used to prevent myself from puking in the years since. Knowing what I now do, I could have kept from vomiting that day also. Don't hate yourself for the past. Use what you've learned to help your future.

Doug

[andee]

Very true Doug.

[jazzkate]

The last time I vted i was very VERY drunk, and the strange thing was, after vting i felt this great sense of pride; like i was proud of myself for vting and not causing a fuss! probably because I was too drunk to realise what was going on. that was 3 years ago and I have definately learned my lesson when it comes to sambuca shots! if the worst case scenario was to happen due to sv* however it would feel like the end of the world. i dont care what anyone who isnt emet says, it certainly will not make me feel better!

[sunnyskies]

I don't really know how I would feel, TBH. The last time, 9 years ago, I v* a lot with a serious bug. I was a kid, and was terrified and knew it was going to happen. Despite a lot of crying and worry, it was happening no matter what, and the n* and stomach pain was so bad that at that point I know I remember v* helped immensely.

But it has just been so long, and I'm more anxious now about everything that I don't know how I will handle it and that's what scares me. And it's like, I know it won't kill me and I will be ok if it happens.

But I would just still rather it not happen and will go to great lengths to keep it from happening, rather than taking the I'll just get it over with approach. Sigh. It's all so irrational.

[Puppydog]

No one needs to feel guilty or hate themselves for vomiting. That would be like telling yourself not to breathe and feeling bad if you do. Personally, i'm am just afraid to vomit. I do not feel guilty if I do, or feel proud for how long I go without etc. Its not a contest. I have terrible anxiety before and after it happens in fear it will happen again.

[jess5217]

i got the sv a few weeks ago, and it was really horrible laying in bed before i knew i had it... thinking "ok this n* feeling is probably just going to go away" and then it didn't and i kept waking up and just knowing it was going to happen but i was doing everything in the world to deny it. i had forgotten what it feels like or how to let my body just do it's thing... and as horrible as it was, my body took over and it just happened. i was crying and felt really alone... but it went back to sleep with my stomach feeling better b/c it had happened... and then of course i had the anxiety start all over again wondering if or when it would happen again. i slept through the night but it happened the next morning and that was it. i slept the whole day so i wouldn't have to think about it.

i kept thinking that maybe it would help the phobia, actually getting through it...but sadly ever since it happened i am even more of a germ freak and worried about everything that could make me sick. i'm really surprised because i thought it would hep things. maybe it's just a temporary flare up of the phobia b/c it happened so recently. i think it's because i keep thinking that somehow it was my fault that i caught the bug and it could have been prevented. i know i shouldn't think that way, but it makes me want to work even harder to not get it again. ughhhh hate this stupid phobia!! before all this happened, i thought i was getting a little better. has anyone had a similar experience?

[CrazyGirl1123]

I get to the point where I almost ask for it to happen. Just to get it over with because i know ill feel better afterwards. Its been 10 years and I hate struggling everyday! I think once it happened i would be really proud of myself for allowing it.

[jennjt]

Jess5217, your experience is very similar to what I went through last October! I, too, have been more germ-conscious & emet definitely kicked into high gear afterwards. I'm disappointed, too . My husband doesn't understand why it didn't make me feel better because "I made it," but i can't explain to him how it just started an even worse obsession in my mind. My dr said it made sense, though, because she said it's like exposure, but "too much," meaning it's not the "therapeutic" type of gradual desensitization that a therapist might use (she doesn't do exposure therapy at all but said if she did, it would be GRADUAL). Wish I had some solution, but you're not alone!

[julybabe]

There is one thing that I have learned since joining the forum that for me the anxiety is my main problem. I cannot speak for anyone else but for me it's all the anxiety about what might happen, the checking and the panic. it's just another way my anxiety manifests itself in me. the thought of anything to do with v*g definately provokes panic and is the main source of my anxiety. I was first diagnosed with anxiety at the age of 9 and I believe that my anxiety is caused by v*g or anything to do with it. Nothing else makes me panic like it. But for me I would definately say that the anxiety is what keeps this going, if I could get a grip of my anxiety then I would not be fearful of 'it' at all. On the ocassions that I have v*d to be honest when feeling n* I have actually wanted to v* to feel better and did feel better for it, and not fearful and that probably sounds crazy. However unfortunately v*g has never actually cured me. I might feel less fearful for a few days after but before long I'm back to square one spending every day worrying if it will happen to me or someone else. In fact it seems the thought of it is actually worse than anything else. I believe that if I couold get a grip of the anxiety I would feel so much better and not trapped by this awful fear. The anxiety is just feeding this thing all the time, maybe I should just start looking at it differently and stop 'feeding' the anxiety and I would feel so much better and a lot calmer. I think joining the forum has really helped me to understand this fear and what is really going on in my head and given me hope that I may one day be free of this fear. Many thanks to everyone

[out_of_order]

to out_of_order - Could you elaborate more on what you mean when you say that you don't think vomiting is the problem and having an anxiety disorder is. I get confused when people say it's not the vomiting we are afraid of but the anxiety.

What she said.....

The anxiety disorder is what makes you afraid of vomiting. So it's not vomiting that's the problem. It needs to be realised that vomiting is NEVER going away, not in any of our lifetimes. If you treat the anxiety, then the fact that people vomit, that you vomit, that vomit happens won't bother you so much.

[ewilkins]

****KIND OF GRAPHIC****

I know this is an older post, but I wanted to contribute. I had dry heaves many years ago from food poisoning. I believe it was only dry heaves because I fought hours of nausea beforehand, along with the urge to vomit. I felt so bad that I finally decided I'd just let it go the next time the urge hit. By the time I did it, it was dry heaves and I do have to say that although it most definitely wasn't pleasurable, it wasn't near as bad as I had imagined it. I had even thought about getting up between heaves to drink some water, to actually allow something to come up because the heaves were so painful. I didn't feel emet for a bit after that episode however, this was back when I was 22 years old. I'm 40 now and haven't had an instance since and well...my emet is back.

[hairyfairy]

I`ll never understand how people who have avoided vting for decades would lose control after all that practice of preventing it, but I guess iv`e already said this at least once.

[ewilkins]

For me it wasn't a matter of losing control. It was a matter of just deciding to finally let it happen. The nausea was so intense. I was so tired of fighting it.

[ewilkins]

I agree Cynna. And sometimes (not trying to scare anyone) it's just going to happen no matter how hard you fight it. There are times people can only hold it for so long. There's no "practice in preventing it." It's more like "trying to keep it from happening."

[hairyfairy]

Cynna, youv`e hit the nail rught on the head when you say that I hate the body that I live in. It wasn`t always this way, but I began to feel alienated from it when I hit puberty. I was bullied at school because I was developing faster than my classmates. When I was 11 my mother insisted on taking me to the shops & getting me fitted with a bra, an experience which made me feel freakish & humilliated because most of my classmates were still flatchested & I envied them. It seemed to me that my body had gotten out of control & was out to get me, & even today I`m scared to death of the thing, & what it might do to me in the future. I look upon the v reflex as a curse, not a blessing, & of course I realise that the way I feel is not very rational, but I can`t help feeling that my body is my worst enemy.

[hairyfairy]

Another member that mistook me for male, maybe it`s my outlook on life, & the fact that I like feeling in control. I did one of those internet tests where brainsex is measured, & it showed that my brain is slightly more masculine than the average woman, so maybe that explains it. I think that I`m in a far better place than Iv`e been in the past, because I was seriously maladjusted in life & had major self-esteem & body image issues, but then it`s not surprising when someone`s suffered years of teasing & bullying in the most sensitive years of their life.I`m a lot more conent with my lot than I was, the only things that I wish I could change are the fact that wer`e all mortal, because I dread dying, it seems like such a waste, & the obvious.

[socitycourty]

I don't get mad at myself, just really scared. I hate it. But the anticipation is the most awful part I think and the not knowing.

[KaydeeJayde]

Another member that mistook me for male, maybe it`s my outlook on life, & the fact that I like feeling in control. I did one of those internet tests where brainsex is measured, & it showed that my brain is slightly more masculine than the average woman, so maybe that explains it. I think that I`m in a far better place than Iv`e been in the past, because I was seriously maladjusted in life & had major self-esteem & body image issues, but then it`s not surprising when someone`s suffered years of teasing & bullying in the most sensitive years of their life.I`m a lot more conent with my lot than I was, the only things that I wish I could change are the fact that wer`e all mortal, because I dread dying, it seems like such a waste, & the obvious.

YET AGAIN, I did NOT mistake you for a male.

[Puppydog]

I think it's because your a "hairy" fairy.