Need your thoughts and prayers

[rubysoho120]

So this may come out long. My boyfriends best friend/almost like little
brother whom he has known forever is Daniel. He is 16 and lives with
his dad about two hours away from us. His mom lives close to us, and he
comes up here every other weekend to visit his mom and us. Well where
he lives is kinda ghetto, like lots of gang activity and that kind of
thing, and frankly I worry about him all the time. He dresses and
talks, and acts all gangster even though I know hes not. He is like the
only white person at his school, so I know why he does it, and he says
he likes it, but I dont know. He is really a good kid. Okay so thats
the background.

Now he has gotten into some kind of trouble at school and at home(again
he lives with his dad and evil step mom who doesn't like him) and he
told us he might be having to come back here to stay. Now this makes
all of us here happy, because I know he would be healthier and happier
here.

So this is my boyfriend and my idea...we want to have him come live
with us...his mother can't really take care of him all the time because
of her work involves lots of traveling. I know I would love to have him
live with us, and we are moving out at the end of this month, so its
good timing. I think he will be safer living here with us, getting a
good education, and taken care of by me and my boyfriend. I also know
we can get him on track, because he really loves us and respects us,
and I know that it would work out for all of us

What I want from all you all to do, is keep us in your prayers that A)
he will be moving back here B) he will come to live and stay with us C)
that we can find the perfect house to rent in the right price range D)
that it will all work out well, because we want it to so badly. And by
working out I mean finacially, and that we will have all the things we
need, and that we are all happy and want it.

Thanks for reading! And for the support.


Edited by: rubysoho120

[kellybean]

I wish you guys all the best, and I hope everything works out for you!! Good luck!!

[suze]

Wow, that is one of the most wonderful things I've read in a while, what you and your boyfriend are hoping to do for this young boy is amazing. I wish you all the luck. I don't pray as a general rule but I might make an exception in your case!

[babygap5]

Ruby, pardon me for butting in, but this isn't a good idea. The fact is, since he is a minor he isn't your responsibility, his mother and father have that job. Having him live with you, althought its a nice idea if this was a nice world, is a bad idea in so many legal ways. For instance, lets just say he does live with you and lets just say he does something he isn't supposed to, like get in trouble at school, nothing serious, just enough to warrant a phone call to his mother. His mother would be put in the position of admitting he can't take care of her son and now the school is involved. You aren't related in anyway to him and that's an issue. This is the world of "suing" and I have a feeling that should something happen, you and your boyfriend would be dragged in the middle of it and it could cost you both financially and emotionally. If you and your boyfriend are serious about this my suggestion is to consult a lawyer, pay the $400 an hour just to get some guidance on your rights and how you can protect yourself should something happen while he is in your care. I would also have a sit down with BOTH parents to discuss this. I understand the bond your boyfriend has with this child but the legal ramifications aren't worth it, belive me, I've seen it.

[rubysoho120]

Kellybean and Suze, thank you for the love and support. It is much needed.



Babygap I can see where your concern is....but I know it wouldn't be
like that. He has a wonderful mother, and she loves me and my
boyfriend, and he son, and I know in no way shape or form would she be
upset about us housing Daniel. If he did get in trouble at school, they
would call me, not his mother, and me and his mother would talk all the
time and figure out what to do for punishments and such. He is a good
kid, I know he wouldn't be getting in trouble at school. I have
actually nannied a 15 year old girl last year, and I was written down
as her legal guardian at school, and I took care of her, while her
mother was in another state. And if she was a good kid things would
have been fine, but she was disturbed and was a compulsive liar, and I
didn't know the family. But even with that, it worked out, i just
didn't want to be inloved with that family drama any more. We know
Daniel, and his family, and we know it would work. Of course he would
still see his family. But sometimes its good to have a break from them,
especially his father and step mother because they dont really care
what is best for him, unlike his mother and us. He has lived with
his mother for most of this life...he moved to his dads as a freshmen
because he kept getting threatened at school...by a mexican gang,
because he is lation but didnt want to be apart of them. And where we
lives, we dont have gangs, its a much smaller town, and i think it
would work out better for him. Now if you don't want to wish us well,
that is fine. I just want people
who can keep us in their thoughts, to do so, because I just want what
is best for him, and I know this would be is..

[babygap5]

My advice was wishing you well, just because you had 1 experience where you were named legal guardian doesn't mean this situation will play out the same way. Even though Daniel's mother knows and loves you both very much, and you have Daniel's best interests at heart, I'm just trying to give you a heads up of what could happen. I've seen it, I work in the law field, and I've known people who have done exactly what you are willing to do. What happens all to often in the cases I've seen, where all parties agree to where a child should live, parents get resentful because they can't properly care for them so they take it out on the "foster" parents. That is, basically what you would be doing in this case. It's funny, you want prayers and well wishes and yet you don't want to look at the reality. You think that his father and evil step mom don't care about him? They will, when something happens that can benefit them financially. All Daniel has to do is trip in your house, get a bump, break a bone, get an F in school, and his the evil stepmother will convince the non caring father to sue for $$ and custody to get back at the hard working loving mother, who will then in turn sue you because she will say you are neglecting him.


I do hope that you and your boyfriend seriously consider the ramifications of this. Yes, it could turn out all nice and rosey like a hallmark card or it can turn into a nightmare for you. I understand everyone wants the best for Daniel, but who's going to look out for you if it goes sour? Your good deed and open heart could get punished. Maybe I've just been exposed to so many of these cases in my 10 years in the field, and it's sad because what you are willing to do for him is a wonderful gesture it's just a shame so many people who do these good deeds end up getting punished.

[tink]

Please dont take this as being mean, but didnt you just write about a month ago that you barely have enough money to feed the two of you? Wouldnt it be bad to bring a teenage boy into that situation? They usually eat a lot! Just a thought. I hope everything works out for you.

--Kim

[rubysoho120]

I am most of the time..about 99.9% pesimistic...and this is the one
thing I feel optimisitc about. I dont think and believe in ANY way that
his mother would ever sue Sam and I...she knows we don't have
money...and as for his evil step mother, and stupid father, I honestly
don't believe they would sue either...f*** I dont even think they would
know what was going on with Daniel, given that they live 2 plus hours
away and they don't come down here to visit him. I feel like your
opinion is so cold, and it is your opinion not mine, and maybe you have
seen this happened in the past, but we wont, and dont want custody of
him, he is almost 17, which makes him that much closer to being an
"adult" anyways. I'm not stupid, I have thought about all these
things...my mother is very negative, and she has nicely brought up all
these things as well...but she also knows his mother, and knows she
would never abondon her son with us. I bet you would even be more
negative if I told you that I'm 21. I can just here it now. Not
everything turns out horriable, and if for any reason something wasn't
working out, he and we know that he could just go stay at his mothers
house...she is only a 15 minutes away. And Im sorry if I sound like a
bitch, but your words were hurtful. I am the most responsiable and
intelligent person, and I know what the positives and negitives that
could happen.

[glitta_fairy]

Ruby I'd like to wish you the best of luck, you're offering something really generous to this guy! But like Babygap said it's probablya good idea to get some legal advice beforehand, as alot of things can go wrong. Not through any fault of yours, but through situations and circumstances that can arise. I don't think anyone here wouldn't wish you well with this, but you should consider every possibility. I'm only saying this because I don't want anything bad to happen to you- it's alwaysgood to cover your a**! I hope everything turns out well for you guys, and I'll keep you in my prayers! [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]


Kayla

[rubysoho120]

Kim...we are fincially stable now...it was a rough patch, but we both
have good jobs now, and things are on the right track. His mother would
support him finacially anyways. And yes he eats, but actually not that
much, and usually crap so we want to help get him eating healthy, and
exercising.

I do appricate the concern, and like I have said, we have thought of
these possibilites, and none of us feel we need to concern lawyers and
cops and goverments, and courts. It is just as if we are his aunt and
uncle and he is staying with us to finish school, and if he wants to
keep staying with us after that its up to him. His mother wants him to
go to school up here anyways, because we live in a close small town
with nice people, not a big city.



I am a strong believer in family and love, and I feel with those on our
side we will be fine. I know that life is hard, and I have exprienced
that, but love and family has always gotten me through it all. And we
will continue on with this now, and forever.


Edited by: rubysoho120

[babygap5]

First off Ruby, my words were not cold and harsh, IT'S A REALITY I'VE SEEN ALL TO OFTEN, I'M SPEAKING OF MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCES. Secondly, I don't give a bald rat's a** that you are 21. You could be 51 for all I care and my advice would still be the same. If you are insulted and hurt because someone who has dealt with this before is sharing their experiences with you, then maybe you are to immature to be put in this position. All I wanted to do was bring to your attention FROM A LEGAL STANDPOINT that what you are attempting to due can sometimes get nasty. The fact is, he is only 16, it doesn't matter that he is almost 17 and that much closer to being a legal adult, the bottom line is, if he lives with you, he legally isn't your responsibility unless his mother and father make you his legal guardian which is doubtful since you are only a few years older than he is, which leaves you open to legal headaches. And you are truly a naive little girl if you think for one minute that his father would pass up an opportunity to gain $$ or to stick it to his exwife just because he lives 2 hours away. I've seen family sue each other because someone trips over a carpet and they actually sue to get insurance money, so don't be naive. Open your eyes. If you think I'm cold, then think that, but I've seen this happen and frankly, just for your terrible attitude, I do hope you fail. Yes, I said it, I hope you fail Ruby, this is the thanks I get for trying to give you some advice because I didn't want you to get hurt in this.


Thank you glitta fairy for your support.Edited by: babygap5

[rubysoho120]

Right, maybe you dont get it. BACK OFF. Im not immature. Im clearly
more mature than you, otherwise I would go off into a rant about you
and your opinion, which I don't care for. Maybe you didn't read what I
wrote, I HAVE ALREADY THOUGHT OF THESE "CONCERS" YOU ARE SAYING BEFORE
YOU MENTIONED THEM. I DIDNT ASK IF I SHOULD DO THIS OR NOT, I ASK FOR
LOVE AND SUPPORT AND GOOD WHITE LIGHT, YOU CLEARLY ARE NOT INTO THAT,
SO BACK OFF. I HAVE NOTHING ELSE NICE TO SAY TO YOU. I am tired of
hearing your negative side, and what you have seen, but that is not
applying to my situation and I dont need you to keep saying the same
thing, been there and done that.



Frankly its ashame because I always support everyone on here, and wish
them well and I don't seem to get the same love back. Maybe its time to
leave this site, because I don't feel respected on here.

Edited by: rubysoho120

[californiagirl]

Hello Ruby,


I think TINK hit on something VERY important, and I can tell you as the mother of 3 teens (well, one is actually 20 now), and 2 teen step-kids, the financial burden could get very heavy, ESPECIALLY if you become liable for Daniel's mis-happenings.


I also agree with BABYGAP. I am also in the legal field, and know the ramifications of all of this. You and your bf are wonderful caring people to wanna help Daniel, but, and pllease trust me in this, these "situations" have a way of turning very ugly. I have cared for my 2 stepkids (one currently-UGH!) in my home, and even though they are different situations, have become emotionally and financially involved and responsible for their "ganngster-type" of actions and stupid decisions. Like it or not, you do need legal help with this--you can;t just take a minor under your wing and have no consequences. You are dealing not only with Daniel, but other people, and people turn ugly and spiteful when a problem arises. Unfortunately. You need to become his legal guardian the LEGAL way in order to even start this thing out right.


Like I said, and please understand I'm not being mean, you two are great for wanting this, but honestly, both from the legall prospective and from experience myself, I see a potential falling out, somehow, someway, sometime with this, and I'm just telling you this becase I care.

[babygap5]

Well that's why I left this site for awhile too Ruby, because I never got the respect I used to give. In fact, my ideas, feelings and opinions were always attacked and now maybe you know how it feels. It doesn't feel to good does it. You are right, I don't believe in the good white light. You asked for prayers and well wishes, well, I couldn't give you my well wishes until I gave you my concerns and I won't apologize for that. It's like, people on this site I considered at one point my friends, my extended family, and I wouldn't want anything to happen to them, and that's how I regarded you. I was just trying to point out some possible situations that you may not have thought of and that's all. To simply have that "I know everything" attitude is blinding, and it has nothing to do with age. I take back what I said Ruby, I do hope it works out for you. I do not want to see you get hurt. But should something go wrong, please, do not hesitate to get a lawyer and protect yourself.

[glitta_fairy]

I'd just like to add that communication without seeing body language or facial expressions can get misinterpreted, and I've seen that happen a couple of times even since I've been on this site. You have to remember Ruby that the bottom line is that everyone is trying to look out for you- and different people have different ways of showing they care. Some give support, and some help you realise potential problems. They're both pretty important, I think. But never think that no-one's here to support or care for you, because we all do. It can just be hard to communicate properly without seeing or hearing the other person, because all we have here are words, you know?

[californiagirl]

I'd just like to add that communication without seeing body language or facial expressions can get misinterpreted, and I've seen that happen a couple of times even since I've been on this site. You have to remember Ruby that the bottom line is that everyone is trying to look out for you- and different people have different ways of showing they care. Some give support, and some help you realise potential problems. They're both pretty important, I think. But never think that no-one's here to support or care for you, because we all do. It can just be hard to communicate properly without seeing or hearing the other person, because all we have here are words, you know?

This is true. If we were sitting down having a cup of coffee with you, things may have been taken a little more easily.


We just care, that's all, and don't want you to run into problems. I wish I would have listened to people who have "been there" about alot of things, but I had some tough lessons learned because I didn't listen because I took their advice as offensive.


Unfortunately, love and a good heart like you and your bf have, don't make situations problem-free, especially when you're dealing with people. People can suck--even the good people, at one time or other.


We just don't want you two to have a burden that will hinder your lives down the road. By "burden" I don't mean Daniel, I mean "icky issues". It coule all turn out great, but there's also the chance that it may not, and we just want to see you protected, that's all

[rubysoho120]

I understand californiagirl and babygap, what if Daniel was just some
run away, and we have no idea where his parents were...and was the same
person he was now, you would tell me that instead of loving him and
caring for him and being his friend, you would say, get away your
someone elses kid? I wouldnt I would open my arms and let him in
because all kids need love and support, regarless of where it comes
from, and no could kid can have enough support. I said I appricated the
legal sides of it, but I also said, that we aren't going to get into
that, we havent and dont even know for sure if he will be coming here.
But you would think he is bette living with his mom who leaves for
months for work? And then what? So then all of this means no one in
anyway should be a babysitter, becasue god knows something could go
wrong and then im going to be sued? Thats crazy. I love him, and he
loves us, and I honestly dont see bad things happening...even if he is
a little "thug" like, hes not a bad person, hes not even a gangster he
just needs to be away from that kind of life, so that going to school
isn't risking your life everyday. because your the only white person,
and that isn't good in a mutliracial school. I mean he comes and stays
with us already in our tiny one bedroom place on the weekends
anyways...so your telling me that if Daniel was to stub his toe, his
mother is going to sue me, I would just laugh, because she knows how
much we love him, and Im already a great mother to my Daniel when he is
here, and he has told his mom how much he likes me, and respects me,
and how great we are with him.

[rubysoho120]

I understand that it could go either way. but right now we dont even
know if he will be coming here, and all am thinking about is how he
needs to move back here, and be safe, and if that means he lives with
his mother then fine, and if that means he lives with us for a while
then fine. I just wanted good love and white light for him because he
deserves better...And I still curious about the questions in my last
posting...

[californiagirl]

I understand californiagirl and babygap, what if Daniel was just some run away, and we have no idea where his parents were...and was the same person he was now, you would tell me that instead of loving him and caring for him and being his friend, you would say, get away your someone elses kid? I wouldnt I would open my arms and let him in because all kids need love and support, regarless of where it comes from, and no could kid can have enough support. I said I appricated the legal sides of it, but I also said, that we aren't going to get into that, we havent and dont even know for sure if he will be coming here. But you would think he is bette living with his mom who leaves for months for work? And then what? So then all of this means no one in anyway should be a babysitter, becasue god knows something could go wrong and then im going to be sued? Thats crazy. I love him, and he loves us, and I honestly dont see bad things happening...even if he is a little "thug" like, hes not a bad person, hes not even a gangster he just needs to be away from that kind of life, so that going to school isn't risking your life everyday. because your the only white person, and that isn't good in a mutliracial school. I mean he comes and stays with us already in our tiny one bedroom place on the weekends anyways...so your telling me that if Daniel was to stub his toe, his mother is going to sue me, I would just laugh, because she knows how much we love him, and Im already a great mother to my Daniel when he is here, and he has told his mom how much he likes me, and respects me, and how great we are with him.

Of course you don't wanna turn him away. I do understand that he may very well be better off with you. The only thing we're trying to say is just to have an agreement drawn up, to where you all are protected--most of all Daniel. It's just that people are unpredictable, and you don't wanna be caught up in a small situation that can spiral out of control. It does suck that we always have to think of "legal ramifications", which seem to downplay LOVE and SUPPORT. But I think you'll have more peace of mind and feel more secure, knowing that everything is legal. I tried to "love" 2 kids, but was sorry in the end. I know that your situation is different, but all it takes is a simple legally binding agreement, and I think you'll feel much better and more in charge of Daniel's positive outcome.

[babygap5]

so your telling me that if Daniel was to stub his toe, his mother is going to sue me, I would just laugh, because she knows how much we love him, and Im already a great mother to my Daniel when he is here, and he has told his mom how much he likes me, and respects me, and how great we are with him.



No, I do not think that his mother would sue you, but if Daniel's father got wind of something happening to him, he could easily sue for full custody and bring you and your boyfriend into it. He would do it because it would upset his ex wife and it could possibly lead to an insurance payout which would make your rates go up. As for him being thug like I really don't see how that has to do with anything i've suggested to you. It doesn't matter what he's like, it doesn't matter if he tries to act like his more colored than he is, the fact is, my words were simply trying to bring you into my world of experience. I do not live in a large city either, it's a small town and these situations I've seen made me more aware of what happens when good deeds go punished.


As for him living with his mother who travels alot for work, sometimes parents need to make sacrifices for the sake of their children, so maybe she should get a different job that doesn't require her to travel as much.


I understand you just want better for him, I want better for the homeless people I see urinating and deficating every day right in front of me on my way to work, but before taking action, you have to be prepared for whatver could possibly happen. Going into a situation, any situation without having a back up plan is why so many people get hurt.

[rubysoho120]

Thank you californiagirl, that seems like a good idea, but i have
thought of that too, infactthat is exactly what i did before and was
planning on doing again. But no one answered my question about
babysitting....

[punchbuggy]

Goodluck to you and screw what people have to say its not thier problem you have to deal with it so do what you want to do .

[babygap5]

There is a liability with sitters as well which is why most parents don't do it unless they absolutly have to and that's why I wasn't allowed to babysit at all because of the responsibility even though I was responsible. I'm not saying that all people will sue, but there are about 450,000 cases filed each year in the civil court I deal with and most of the cases are family v family incidents. And yes Ruby, people do sue babysitters for negligence. There was a case I worked on where the sitter was 17 years old and had sat for this child about 20 other times prior to the incident where the sitter went to the bathroom to pee and the child (at the time of incident was9 years old) decided he wanted an apple cut up to dip in peanut butter and since he couldn't wait for the sitter to get out of the bathroomhe did it himself.He ended up cutting off his fingertip.When the sitter came out of thebathroom, she scooped up the kid, wrapped a towel around his finger,grabbed the fingertip, called the local hospital to tell them she was on the wayand they were able to get his fingertip sewed on without any permanent nerve damage etc. Well, the parents sued the babysitter for neglegence and child endangerment and her parents were stuckpaying all the medical bills plusextra $$ for the trauma of the incident. This was the first time anything had happened while she sat for him. But that's a risk that the parents of the child and of the sitter take. WHich is my point, if something should happen to Daniel, this could be the outcome. Edited by: babygap5

[californiagirl]

Regarding the babysitter question:


With a professional babysitter, there is always a contract to protect all parties involved, because the child(ren) are on the babusitter's property and in the babysitter's care. The agreement will most likely have a disclaimer, protecting the babysitter. The babysitter also needs to have some type of household insurance as well. I'm sure a loving babysitter would love to just care for kids without legal regard, but in all reality, that's not a good idea.


You can give Daniel a loving home, and care for him, but what we're saying is PROTECT YOURSELF. I have a current situation that you would probably understand, as a good example of what I'm talking about here. I am living it at this very moment, and it's really puttinng a damper on my life and finances. If you wanna know what it is, you can PM me and I'll be happy to explain.


Please know also, that BABYGAP and TINK are just looking at this in a protective way, and don't want to see you in a good-turned-bad situation. What they say makes sense. BABYGAP and I deal with icky, ugly legal stuff, and we see what good people get--a kick in the a**! It's not fair to you. I am getting kicked in the a** right now too, and it sucks, because hubby and I were trying to do the right thing nd now we're screwed!


Back to the babysitter stuff: If there is no agreement, then if something happens to the kid(s) while in her care and she is not insured, then the parent can sue her for any and all damages incurred. Also, what if Daniel ends up in the hospital?? In order for him to receive treatment, you HAVE to be legally able to authorize it. So see, it's almost unavoidable to have to seek legal help.


You can still give Daniel what he needs---the right way.

[rubysoho120]

Thank you Punchbuggy for the love.



Babygap I think that is so irriational. If people are that stupid,
which I know some are, it makes me ashamed to be human. But a smart
person, could very well turn that case around and say that the parents
should have their child taken away or sued or whatever for leaving
their child in the care of a minor. Which very much child endangerment.
Trust me I know there are unintelligetn people who are sue happy, but
those people were stupid. If was someone they trusted, and the child
was injured thats one thing, but to sue them is stupid. Knowing a child
doens't have money, and maybe it was all set up, so they could get the
money from her parents...who knows, who knows?

[californiagirl]

Oh my---BABYGAP and I posted our replies at the same time. I haven't read hers yet when I started typing mine.


What she said pretty much coincides with my last post.

[rubysoho120]

If Daniel god forbid ended up in the hospital, his mother would be
there, and probably us as well, even though I HATE hospitals. I have
had a "disclamer" before and it worked out fine, and maybe thats what
we would do... but i think that it would be more of a contract between
Daniels parents. If his mother wants him to stay with us, we will in no
way turn him away.



But with all this legal stuff it makes me feel like s*** maybe we
shouldnt even have him over on the weekends, cuz of course we dont
wanna be sued incase he gets hurt! OMG what an idea that is. I still
think thats not right. Its like people who get prenuptiual agreements,
before marriage, I dont believe in that either, because if your not
marrying to be together forever and to love and protect each other then
there is no point, and if you cannot judge weather or not this person
will cheat on you or steal your money, then thats is on you for not
knowing them well enough before marriage. I feel the same way about
Daniel coming to live with us. If its ment to be, and we all feel
"right" about it, then it will be fine.

[californiagirl]

If Daniel god forbid ended up in the hospital, his mother would be there, and probably us as well, even though I HATE hospitals. I have had a "disclamer" before and it worked out fine, and maybe thats what we would do... but i think that it would be more of a contract between Daniels parents. If his mother wants him to stay with us, we will in no way turn him away.

But with all this legal stuff it makes me feel like s*** maybe we shouldnt even have him over on the weekends, cuz of course we dont wanna be sued incase he gets hurt! OMG what an idea that is. I still think thats not right. Its like people who get prenuptiual agreements, before marriage, I dont believe in that either, because if your not marrying to be together forever and to love and protect each other then there is no point, and if you cannot judge weather or not this person will cheat on you or steal your money, then thats is on you for not knowing them well enough before marriage. I feel the same way about Daniel coming to live with us. If its ment to be, and we all feel "right" about it, then it will be fine.

A disclaimmer and binding, signed, notarized agreement may work, depending on what issues are covered and agreed upon in it.


It's a bummer that legal agreements, like pre-nups'seem to take all of the LOVE out of something and turn it into a potential legal issue/battle.


My hubby is a "practical" thinker, whereas I try to be more of the "we CAN make it happen" type of person. BUT, sometimes we do need to look into the practical, logical end of things.

[tink]

I am happy to hear that you both have better jobs now, that is a horrible feeling trying to make ends meet.

I know it sounds like people are just ganging up on you here, but please take the advice into consideration. They are only trying to help. I promise. I know when I was 21, I didnt want to listen to anyone else at all, and made some mistakes and learned from them. That is just the way life works. But this could be a really sticky situation if you arent going into it with your eyes wide open. I was actually in a similar situation when I was a teenager. My mother kicked me out when I was 16, and I went to live with some older friends. (about your age) They wanted to treat me as a daughter, instead of a friend like we had always been. It turned really ugly, it brought out the rebellious side in me (what can I say, I was a teen) and we fought like crazy. They were trying to discipline me, and I was just mean to them. Needless to say, it didnt work out. It is really hard to change a dynamic in a relationship like that. Especially with a teenager. Imagine your best friend that you grew up withs boyfriend now acting as your father figure. Yikes! Anyway, not trying to lecture you at all, it is just something to think about. You can never tell how these situations are going to work themsleves out until you are in them. Hopefully your good intentions work out well for you!

Take Care,
--Kim

[rubysoho120]

Well first off my bf in no way shape or form will be a father figure or
father like to Daniel. I would be the only parent "figure"
because i already am like that, and he treats me that way, which is
what we both feel comfertable with. And Im not a stupid 21 year old. I
dont drink, smoke or do drugs and I never have. I lecture this kid all
the time about being safe with sex, and not drinking or doing drugs,
and he knows that I take care of my boyfriend, and he knows i take care
of him when hes here, just like they are my childern, why? because im
the most caring and mothering 21 year old your will meet. And people
make mistakes and learn from them at all ages, my age has nothing to do
with weather or not Daniel should live with us. Daniels mother trusts
me with her son now, and she knows how old I am. My eyes are beyond
wide open, just so you know. I have already been thinking about
possible problems and situations and solutions. Im hoping things will
work out well too. Daniel is in Concord, so you may know how s***ty it
is there, and I honeslty dont want him shot, and killed, or in jail, or
anything else. And living in Healdsburg would change that. But the
choice is his, and dont you think twice that he wouldnt have every
little detail explained to him, INCLUDING that Im an emet, because he
already knows im a germaphobe. Thanks for taking the time to
share your concern