I'm ok with living in fear, i'm not okay with v*.

That's exactly how I feel and have been feeling strongly a lot lately.

When fear becomes such a way of life it isn't really that scary at some point. It's weirdly comforting or normal in some way and you just cope with it. And it is the thing that you can control fairly often if you try.

V* you can't control and that's the thing I'm most disturbed and haunted by. The anxieties about everything else is just whatever but it's v* I don't know that I can handle or live with. I used to think I could but now I'm unsure.