Are you afraid of losing your emetophobia?

[chris_alice]

I have a friend - more of an acquaintance but that's besides the point - who is an addict. She has successfully given up a lot of the things she was addicted to but not everything, so I was trying to encourage her to give it ALL up. She said something very interesting that got me thinking.

She was very honest and said she's not sure she wants to be completely free of her addiction because - and this is the important part - what would she do if her desire for the substance was completely gone? She'd be ruined (her words) because if she needed a "little something" to cope, it might not have the same effect.... and then what?

So she's afraid of completely letting go of her addiction because she's afraid of the unknown... what will life be like if she doesn't have this "thing" she can turn to that makes her feel "this" way in "this" situation. Even though it can kill her.

So it got me wondering... are YOU afraid of losing your emetophobia, of being cured? If so, why?

[Miss_Pink24]

I am not afraid of losing my emetophobia as such, I am more afraid that when the day comes and I do actually *V myself I will find that it is not all that bad and that I am no longer afraid. I am scared that I will have wasted so many years of my life worrying about it when there was no reason to. If that makes sense?

[KaydeeJayde]

Man, I want to be rid of my emetophobia FOREVER. I'd leave it on the side of the road somewhere if I could, that would be awesome! I want it gone!

[jmoore10]

Yes, I really am not actively trying to get better or rid myself of emet. Somewhere along the line, I've equated my emet habits (daily worrying, eating/not eating patterns, etc) are the reasons I've stayed safe for as long as I have. I'm afraid if I let my guard down or become less cognizant of my stomach and avoiding IT, IT will happen.
My rational brain knows that's not true, but the part of me that honestly believes that mindset is much stronger and I'm not willing to take that chance.

[Sparklylikeaholiday]

I am a lot like Jennifer... I'm not actively trying to get better - because I feel like my rituals keep me safe from getting sick.

What I would like to get rid of though, is my fear of others being sick (I'm scared of people who are not even contagious - like morning sickness and migraines). I'd also like to be in a place where I am only freaking out when I am legit sick, and not freaking out over every little twang. To me, that'd be a 200% improvement.

But honestly... if I got rid of my emet... I'm not sure what my brain would think about!? I'd probably end up finding some other item to crazy worry about!

[mamacat]

This is kind of a tricky one for me. I want to get better....but by that, I mainly mean I want to get to a place where I can function in the world without being consumed by anxiety, and I want to be able to behave like a sane, rational, compassionate human when someone near me is sick. I know this level of recovery is attainable because I spent many years therek. I don't think I will ever be "cured", if that means I will happily eat raw steak or let my kids eat eith dirty hands. I am an anxious person and I don't see that changing no matter how much therapy or medicine I take. And isn't that why recovered alcoholics don't drink? Because on some level, even if they are recovered, they are still alcoholics?

As far as your friend goes, though, I hope she will seek help.

[socitycourty]

I'd like to be able to leave my house in the winter....and not be in a complete utter mess when people get sick....not have to cry when cleaning up my daughter's v*....
I really hate my life right now and if someone could wave a wand and cure me I would totally do it.

I thought I wanted another child but now I don't even know if I can becuase how would I take care of 2 kids when I have these episodes?

I would probably never stop being obsessively hygienic though because I have OCD for germs in general but even more so for sv's......

[~LiLi~]

I would LOVE... let me reiterate - LOVE to be rid of this phobia. I would love nothing more than to rub my SO's back, or my children's (when the come) backs when they're ill and not worry. I have absolutely zero attachment to any of my "rituals" or concerns. If I woke up one morning and found that I was no longer afraid, I would feel so free. I WILL get better and I WILL be there one day. I promise myself that and I owe it to myself to try my damnest.

[chris_alice]

I suppose I should answer my own question so here goes. I would give my ex-husband's left nut to be completely free of emetophobia.

To those of you who are afraid to (or aren't ready to) lose your emetophobia - what would it take to make you want to get rid of it? What are you waiting for? I'm not forcing anyone, I'm genuinely curious.

[Cynna]

Yes, good topic.

For years it has been who I am. I am the one who ran out on her mom in the hospital when mom was v.. from chemo. I am the one who was always in fear. Emet is who I was. I hated it, but it was such a big part of me.

I had to change the mental picture of me inside my head. I realized I had to visualize others v.. in front of me and me having no reaction or helping the person. I had to face my fear of being trapped and rationalize that vomiting is not dangerous. That was so odd for me. I spent years and years trying to avoid it, then I am supposed to picture it happening in front of me? It has gotten easier. I am trying visualizations and have done exposure videos. I am at times hoping to be put to the test in real life and at times scared of the test of a stranger v.. near me. I do not fear myself vomiting.

Funny thing, was watching Breaking Dawn part 1. When the vomit scene happened, hubby put his hands over my eyes and told me not to look. We have been together for so long, that he knew what I would have wanted done in the past. I moved his arms away, watched it, and did not have any anxiety.

Change is scary, we want to get better, but getting better involves us redefining ourselves.

Celebrate every little success. The little success here and there helps build our confidence that we can change.

[jkl81]

I'm afraid I am attached to it. I don't think getting rid of emet would make me a non anxious person, I think the fears would all go somewhere else....that could be better or worse than emet. My idea of recovery is like many others that when I am confronted with v* that I can handle it, meaning to be good and at least somewhat helpful to a sick person instead of just thinking about if I will get what they have, and to not let my intense fear and hatred of v* keep me in my safe places. In short, I am very happy with still never ever wanting to v* again and fighting it with all I have. I just want to not give up the other good things in life to attain this goal as I have at times. I am 31 almost 32, I've feared v* since I knew what it was, and had this phobia since I was 8 almost 9, so, without it I think I might lose my identity.

[jmoore10]

I suppose I should answer my own question so here goes. I would give my ex-husband's left nut to be completely free of emetophobia.

To those of you who are afraid to (or aren't ready to) lose your emetophobia - what would it take to make you want to get rid of it? What are you waiting for? I'm not forcing anyone, I'm genuinely curious.

Chris-Alice
Your first comment cracked me up-hahahahaha! Does your ex-hubby know you are offering up his 'boys'?
I think in order for me to voluntarily give up my behaviors, literally it would take some guarantee that absolutely, positively 100% I WILL NEVER do IT again. Which, I admit, is as feasible as is the belief that my current routines and habits are what's keeping me safe. I'm also anxious and a control freak naturally so like JK, I'm afraid of what other intangible thing my brain might latch onto. The way it sits, for the most part I have an amazing life and I love it, despite emet. True, there are times when I spiral downwards and feel despondent but have always somehow managed to shake it off and bounce back (no question, you guys have A LOT to do with that!). Yes, emet is definitely part of who I am but its only a small part and doesn't define who I am as a person.
I guess as a whole, I'm OK with that

[sdd]

I would give it up in a heartbeat! I hate it. I wish I could be like my husband and see it as "just another body function" as he so nicely puts it.

For years (before this summer) I was fine. I didn't wash my hands all that often. My mom would offer me hand sanitizer at restaurants and I would decline. My kids would v and I wouldn't even blink an eye. I would stand there and be calm and help. For instance, we were in a restaurant about 2 years ago. I went to the bathroom. My daughter apparently started v'ing all over the waiting area, so my husband shoved her into the bathroom. She v'd all over the bathroom. I calmly shuffled her into the stall and told everyone how sorry I was. Then I cleaned her up. I didn't panic. I didn't get upset...nothing.

I would give just about anything to be like that again.

[JadeNight]

In all honestly, since I've joined IES three years ago, I feel like I have been able to shed my emetophobia almost completely. I wouldn't say "thanks to this forum" because the only thing keeping on this forum is the small sense of community.
A lot of my recovering has been from those around me providing me with logical and rational paths.

and it's probably been the best feeling in the world. I am completely free of irrationalities that have limited me before. I look back and wonder where I lost myself and how I got so bad. Granted, I suffer from a few other anxiety related things. But I'm glad emetophobia isn't really one of them anymore!

[Grace47]

My emet is much better. I would like to be rid of it without loosing my awareness of cleanliness, because I do have an autoimmune disease and get sick easily. I really can't be carefree like someone with no health problems, but I would like to be the kind of a mother who is less scared than the child when the child gets sick instead of an anxious, hovering mess.

[Valen*]

I would like to be free of emet, and would also like to never have to vomit. So IDK..i really dont know if anyone is ever really 'cured'.

[xxsophiaxx]

I am scared to lose it and I have discussed this with my therapist. I told her I am just accepting the fact that I will be emet my whole life.

[McEwan]

I would like to be without emetophobia, but at the same time, I don't want to lose it because if I wasn't so afraid, I wouldn't be so careful. Being careful, my OCD, washing my hands, keeping my home immaculate, is all keeping me safe from noro - just like Sparkley said. So as much as I wish I was mentally healthy and could live life as freely as everyone else, I would be at a much higher risk of catching noro. As debilitating as my fear is, it is my protector. Sounds pathetic, doesn't it? I know, but this is who and what I am. I've accepted it.

[chris_alice]

I would like to be free of emet, and would also like to never have to vomit. So IDK..i really dont know if anyone is ever really 'cured'.

Me too! But does anybody ever want to vomit?

[punchbuggy]

I would like to throw emet in burning hell and watch it suffer a long painful torturous death on behalf of myself and all of those so controlled by it. I will get there I am already on my way.

I would love absolutely nothing more then to have emet eliminated from my life. I would like to vomit like a normal person who sees it as just a reg body function.

[kthomas629]

Once upon a time I would have said that I wanted to keep my phobia and be more conscious of my body functions and make sure that I never v* again in my life and yes on some level, I'm still there. But now having my children, managing to help them when they are sick and not completely lose my mind. Seeing how they manage to go through multiple v* episodes and be perfectly calm about it makes me completely ashamed of myself and this God forsaken phobia. I mean an almost 7 year old and 10.5 year old child can go through it and never shed a tear (except to complain about feeling like crap and wanting to be well) and I nearly shut down at the thought of having to v* myself. I want this damned phobia gone forever. I want to be like all of my friends, my husband and my sister (who was once emet herself until she got Crohn's and now to her it's just another part of life) and see it as "part of life" and unpleasant part, but you live with it, it sucks and then you move on. I want to be that person one day too.

[EisforELSA]

I'm terrified of losing it... I know that's the phobia talking but I can't help but think that as soon as I'm not scared anymore, as soon as I let my guard down, it will happen. And that makes me want to keep the phobia, however much it's ruining my life.
So yeah, I don't really know what to do about it because it's giving me second thoughts about the CBT my mum is trying to get me, and I'm worried that it will make it difficult to work...
On one hand I really want to get better, so that I'm no longer scared. But on the other hand, I really don't want to get better, so that 'it' never happens.

[LostNoob]

I kinda think that being emet keeps me alert in the noroseason, but on the other hand it's kinda to late now anyway, it's already ruined my life due to the many allnighters feeling like I'm going to be sick, plus the lengths I go too, to not get ill has pretty much single handedly screwed up my education, and also my social life.

I just wish I could go back and just never be emeto in the first place.

[hairyfairy]

I`d be scared that I`d be less healthy without emet because it makes me more careful about health issues.

[sdd]

Once upon a time I would have said that I wanted to keep my phobia and be more conscious of my body functions and make sure that I never v* again in my life and yes on some level, I'm still there. But now having my children, managing to help them when they are sick and not completely lose my mind. Seeing how they manage to go through multiple v* episodes and be perfectly calm about it makes me completely ashamed of myself and this God forsaken phobia. I mean an almost 7 year old and 10.5 year old child can go through it and never shed a tear (except to complain about feeling like crap and wanting to be well) and I nearly shut down at the thought of having to v* myself. I want this damned phobia gone forever. I want to be like all of my friends, my husband and my sister (who was once emet herself until she got Crohn's and now to her it's just another part of life) and see it as "part of life" and unpleasant part, but you live with it, it sucks and then you move on. I want to be that person one day too.

I agree with this post! I think when I was a teenager, I would have liked to have held on to my emet so I would be aware and never v again. But, I've noticed the same thing as you have. My baby v'd yesterday. Handed me his pacifier and went back to playing. 15 minutes later, he v'd again and he looked at me and giggled. Like v'ing was funny to him! I thought "Why can't I be like that about it?"

[chris_alice]

I`d be scared that I`d be less healthy without emet because it makes me more careful about health issues.

I was healthier when I wasn't emetophobic, and didn't even know the word "norovirus".

[pemmie]

This is going to sound weird, but i think it's good for everyone to have a normal respect/fear of norovirus. I think if everyone realized how contagious it is and actually TRIED to prevent the spread of it, then we wouldn't be dealing with all these outbreaks you hear about in the news. As for an ABNORMAL fear of v*, i wish i didn't have it and I'd love to lose it. I know this because there are periods where i don't feel like an emet (for a few months at a time) and i LOVE it. and then i'll be triggered by something and it comes back and i'm in hell.

[crimson_petrichor]

I was free from it for about 4 years and it was so wonderful. I could do normal things without being afraid of V*. And then I got FP* last year and it all came back.