Quinnee I am the same way. I usually run from my children when they are sick. My son got ill a couple of weeks agon and I helped him. I don't know where the strength came from to do it but I did. I was so scared and proud of my self at the same time. I was scared to death of him afterwords though. I caught myself shying away from him and almost ignoring him totally because of this stupid fear! I am still catching myself still doing this and I have to STOP. He burped the other night and I started into a massive panic attack!

@kristinak - I hope things go great for your dad and his treatment. I'm not trying to be ugly or defensive. I was stating how I felt. I have been in the situation your family is in and it is a rollercoaster but NOT a fun one. Our ride ended badly. I know the fear and pain of living with a dad with cancer. My dad had mesothelioma from asbestos at the workplace. His was just in his lungs. The chemo weakened his bones and he broke both of his hips from fallling. At that point the cancer spread. I'm NOT just scared of the v* I'm scared of the rest of the effects too. Please don't think that I haven't weighed all my options. I hope and pray everyday that I will never be faced with that diagnosis. I am a smoker. It helps my panic attacks. It sooths me until my xanax can kick in. I want to quit because of the fear of cancer but I'm scared to because I don't want to be dependant on the xanax all the time. I told my fiancee just last night that I needed to quit and then I was put into a bad scary shopping experiance having to be exposed to a sv* and I took a xanax and as soon as I got out of the store I smoked. Please don't be offeneded by my comments or my feelings, that was never my intention..
michelle